I don't know if any of you read Seth Godin's daily tip from his blog - I have it emailed to me. Often what he has to say doesn't apply to my life but today - well he hit the nail (me) right on my head!
Self sufficiency appears to be a worthy goal, but it's now impossible if you want to actually get anything done.
All our productivity, leverage and insight comes from being part of a community, not apart from it.
The goal, I think, is to figure out how to become more dependent, not less.
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/
Gulp - more dependent? Oh my, that goes against everything I've believed in during my adult life. All of my role models encouraged me to be independent. My life's journey has had its ups and downs - I found that standing on my own two feet was preferable to depending on anyone else. Even in my work environment I felt that if I wanted something done right it was better to do it myself.
I raised my daughter alone. I bought my first home on my own. I put myself through university while working a part-time job. No one really helped me to do anything.
Sooooooooo - it's not been easy letting Michael do things for me. I'm definitely not used to being pampered. I've always done everything for myself. It all culminated today when he brought me a cup of tea and proceeded to PULL THE ENTIRE BED over so I wouldn't have to stretch my arm to reach the tea. "Whoa" I said "what the heck are you doing?" He was making it easier for me. That's a new concept for me - it takes some getting used to when you're a fiercely independent woman like me. It just doesn't feel right.
That's why Seth's pearls of wisdom for today struck such a chord with me. Can I possibly become more dependent? This one is going to take some thinking about.
How independent are you? Is it just the era I grew up in - I was a child of the 60's - we rebelled, we marched, we protested, we struck out on our own...
Fiercely independant... which intimidates a lot of people ( espcially men). I'm very simliar to you Jane, raised my DD by myself, bought my home on my own, and am so used to doing everything alone, that it's hard to let others help! I think I would have had the same reaction as you, when Michael pulled the bed over! Maybe I need Seth's emails too! So maybe I can become a little more dependant.
ReplyDeleteOh and I hope you feel better soon! Hot Rum toddies may be the cure ( Dark rum,hot water, butter, honey and a cinnamon stick).
ReplyDeleteI used to be fiercely independent and found it really, really difficult to accept any help whatsoever...like you, I wasn't used to it after so many years of fending for myself and my kids.
ReplyDeleteNow I [really] appreciate having a husband who will do anything to help me..although it still feels a little weird!
Hope you feel better soon, Jane. Being an independant person myself, I know what you mean. Being self-reliant has its good points but can also have a down side.
ReplyDeleteYour Michael sounds like a gem. He respects your independance but also loves you and wants to be there. Your gift to him is to let him be there for you and you for him.
Mary
I think it comes from being a single mom. Even when you are exhausted you are the only one to tend to everything. It becomes a habit quick, not to whine and to jump up and get the job done. I find that it helps me appreciate those moments when someone else is tending to needs all that much more.
ReplyDeleteJane, what a wonderful quote. That hit home for me too. I have always prided myself on my independence but I've also come to realize that can be detrimental. Too often I feel I'm the only who can do my work to my level of perfection and I've come to realize it's insulting to others as well as I don't get the benefit of someone else's perspective or skills. Something to work on.
ReplyDeleteHope your feeling better soon. It's good to take the time to get better so as not to get worse. Not that I listen to my own advice.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Aww.. I hope you're feeling better soon!! I think when you have a good man, you should let him help you out and take care of you once in a while too! You deserve it, Jane!! :)
ReplyDeleteI love that quote-funny how they can seem serendipitous to so many of us eh? I have been thinking a lot about the construct of independence since I went to a conference about brain injury (for work) and there was an excellent speaker who commented on disability. He basically said "independence" is somewhat of an illusion, we all have varying levels of dependence on others. For instance, though we drive ourselves around, how many of us could independently repair and maintain a vehicle? Before you mechanics or gearheads say that this doesn't apply to you, it's just one example. He also pointed out that our society places huge value on independence and tends to villify dependence. My point is, it's wonderful to realize that you can depend on trusted others (like your lovely Michael, a supply teacher and your EAs) and that dependence is not inherently a bad thing. It's a necessary thing for most people. If we didn't look down upon it, we might all be better off. Wow-there, sermon over. Apparently you hit a nerve!
ReplyDeleteOh, and I hope you're feeling better soon! Being sick is such a drag (speaking as someon who took two days off last week due to a nastry flu!)