Today I get another email which this time is friendly and warm in tone. WTF??? I could barely sleep all weekend and kept waking up filled with anxiety. How could anyone feel their son was not well cared for in my program?!? I took her criticism very personally and felt attacked...and slandered. So with this new email I was literally turned on my head. What gives? So later today I showed it to my Dep't Head - who says to me...."I thought you knew...sorry I should have mentioned this to you before but I thought you knew!" Turns out she's bi-polar; last week was a manic phase.
Exhaling...........................
I guess my email caught her at a bad time and I became the object of her attack. Apparently she has done this many times in the past not only to her son's teachers but to family members and most of all her ex-husband. I sure wish I'd known all of this before I let her words affect me so deeply. Would have saved me a lot of grief. I don't know a lot about this illness but it must be devastating in its effects on those closest to her.
I carry my feelings close to my chest - I always appear happy and carefree even when I don't feel it. Since Michael was away this weekend and I was home nursing my cold I held the pain even closer. It feels good to let it out. It will take me a few more days to get over the effects of her diatribe but at least I can feel pity for her instead of disturbed bewilderment, hurt and yes, some anger. As in "how dare she?!" Isn't it terrible how much comments from another human being can wound us? I know that I, for one, will try to measure my words more carefully in future. I have never spoken to anyone in the way in which she spoke to me but even a carelessly tossed comment can be so hurtful, we just don't know sometimes.
Anyways, that's enough of that, just do me a favour everyone and go hug someone, I know I'm going to...right now!
Oh boy... what an ordeal! ((Jane)) Sorry that you had to deal with that... Hope you're able to unwind & relax tonight!!
ReplyDeleteOh dear...Breathe...{{hugs}}
ReplyDeleteSorry you had such a bad weekend due to her hurtful words.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading I was thinking this person prolly has Manic/Depressive issues and Yes she does! Not that it helped your frame of reference last week/end.
My sis-in law had this issue. She was ok on meds but refused to take them as she felt well when on them and then felt she didn't need them any longer....which sent her spiralling down into the abyss.....and she'd get hospitalized and back on meds and the cycle would repeat itself. It was hell for us because we never knew what was coming next but I'm sure it was even worse to be her. sigh
It's hard to keep from letting others hurtful words affect us.
Jane:
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you a hug. As you know my first husband was bipolar schzophrenic and it really put me and the kids through the wringer. He lost so many friends because of his up and downs and it got to the point where I had to tell people that if he emailed or called them to please not take it personally. This included teachers, friends, our priest, my parents..just everyone.
I am glad that the young man has you as a strong port in a storm. My children's teachers made a big difference in there lives when I took the time to explain what was going on. We also had a great principal who would make sure the teachers and assistants were aware.
I know this boy appreciates every bit of kindness and love you show him. And as a parent that went through it I thank God for teachers like you that care enough to understand.
...and breathe! give yourself big hug! Our dearest friend is bi polar..he doesn't mean to hurt, but it hurts none the less. It's not your fault, you just got caught in the crossfire.
ReplyDeleteJane xx
Oh hugs
ReplyDeleteMy SIL has been diagnosed mildly bi-polar. It's a tough one.
Deep breathes
I would hug you right now if I could, instead my Granddaughter will do instead.
ReplyDeleteI had reached the conclusion that this was her issue rather than yours, but words hurt and like you I take it all onboard.
A better week coming up for you..................
Super big hugs. Those kinds of communications seep into the deepest parts of a teacher's soul. I know how you must have ached, going over and over it again. Been there. Even after, understanding her condition, those words still can have a profound affect.
ReplyDeleteSo many parents love to slam the teacher. I know my own DD's have thought many times about giving up teaching not because to the kido's but the parents. Glad things worked out for you, her poor child has a hard life ahead of him. Huggs your way!!
ReplyDeletewow and I thought I've had some crappy days! I was thinking bipolar or something before I got to that sentence! sounded like something was jiving. and words DO hurt - bigtime.
ReplyDeleteSusanna
Oh Poor you, as soon as I heard she had flip flopped I knew she was bi. Yes I lived with a bi-polar brother. I'm talking egg shells.
ReplyDeleteI have had similar experiences. And I really feel for you Jane.
ReplyDeleteThe school should have warned you.
Biggest Hugs
Sft x
It feels devastating when people attack you like that, especially when you work so hard with those kids each day. You know that you do a good job, it's a shame the school didn't warn you about here.
ReplyDelete((hugs)) from downunder
Thanks Louise - that would have been good info to have for SURE!!
ReplyDeleteYes, they should have...just a "small oversight" I guess. I'm just going to put it behind me and move on.
ReplyDeleteI would find that very hard to live with every day. Next to impossible even, not knowing what to expect, is this a good day or a bad day. Very tough.
ReplyDeleteYou and a lot of other readers figured out it was bi-polar. So glad I found out or I'd still be a basket case!!
ReplyDeleteI think I should be a doctor. I was going to say that she sounds like some crazy bi-polar bitch. And then, BAM, you wrote it! How 'bout that. I'm glad she's crazy and that you're not a bad teacher.
ReplyDeleteYour Friend, m.
I thought too...sounds like she forgot to take her pills. I had a teacher that was bi-polar. Some days he would be leaping and laughing around the classroom and the next look like he was going to a funeral. Good thing that the boy is in a group home if his Mom is so up and down. Poor you! Poor kid! Poor Mom!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you were on the bad end of this Jane. As soon as you mentioned the child was in a group home I had a feeling. Working at child and family services I see variations of this kind of behaviour regularly and often the frustrations that families are going through personally end up being let out on staff. Glad you got to the bottom of it and can move on knowing your pride in teaching is intact.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you were on the receiving end of her attack. It is even harder when you take those things so personally but honestly, as a teacher, I don't see how you couldn't. You put your heart and soul into your position and people often don't realize just how much words can hurt. I hope you're having a better day today and best of luck in dealing with her in the future.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm glad you found out what was going on. Hopefully you won't have to go through that again! Stay positive my friend :)
ReplyDeleteit's easier to see it when we're not close to the situation - you were already sick and busy and stressed and right in the middle of the attack - but we know you're great with these kids and no reason whatsoever for anyone to do anything but praise you LOL! so something had to be wrong with the parent! easy detecting huh?! ;-0
ReplyDeleteJane,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about this mess. I can see why it would ruin your weekend and you probably kept going over the e-mails to figure out what was happening. The school board or someone should have notified you of her condition. Hopefully no more e-mails will go your way because from this day to the next you can't be sure how this person will respond especially if they are not on the right medication or in the beginning of a new type of medication for this condition.
Just glad you found out when you did.
Dealing with people who are bi-polar and off their meds is hard! It makes my head and heart ache! Do they not have a note of it in the child's file? To me, working with the "special angels" like you do, I thought something like that may be in their file. But again, working for the gov't and the right to privacy may prevent that from happening. Oh and just so you know, if there are spelling mistakes in this, the comment section is covered up and didn't let me see the above lines. ... I hope that your week gets better and March break will be here soon.
ReplyDeleteHad a good sleep last night and my neck and shoulders feel much better, thanks Carla.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sluggy - I was thinking that too - imagine being that person and going through the hell they must be going through. Tragic!
ReplyDeleteFeeling your hug across the miles (I'm not too far from your place now but I'm taking a detour to see Sluggy first! Yes I remember your story about your first husband. It's such a terrible illness and so hard for those close to the person to be of any help. You know they can't help it but it's so hard to deal with.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jane - every single comment here has been so helpful and supportive, I really appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Maureen, and it's so glad to have you back:) Today was much better.
ReplyDeleteSome parents can be very confrontational and it can be hard to deal with; it's hard sometimes to maintain one's professionalism in the face of such criticism. It makes you second guess yourself which can be so demoralizing.
ReplyDeleteYes, I was thinking last night that being sick probably made the situation worse - I'm feeling much better today!
ReplyDeleteDr. Marky mark - yes, I like it! But I don't think you can call your patients crazy bitches, just sayin...
ReplyDeleteYes, and unfortunately he is more anxious before he has a visit with her and then more anxious after the visit. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteThanks Marguerite, I'm feeling a lot better today. The family situation is very complicated. Neither parent has been able to cope with their son living at home so that must feel terrible as a parent to have to place him in a group home. Add a mental illness and it can be quite volatile at times.
ReplyDeleteToday was much better and thanks for your comment. All the comments have really helped me through a tough time and I really appreciate the support.
ReplyDeleteThanks bbw, today was better and I'm sure tomorrow will be too. Had a good sleep last night and that really helpe.
ReplyDeleteWitch - I go over and over things in my head wondering what did I do, what did I say, what did I MISS? Drives me crazy! I had one other parent once whose emails I had to forward to admin without opening - it was just harassment. At least with this person I can under the behavior better knowing there is a mental illness. Just glad I made it through to the other side in one piece! Thanks for your support - it really does help:)
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately in Ontario parents have control over what is put in their child's school file. They don't even have to share medical info about their child if they don't want to! The person who passed the info on to my dep't head was married to the principal of this boy's elementary school where he had a VERY DIFFICULT time and they dealt with much more than I have from this parent. However, it's not something that can really be put down on paper. I sure know NOW!!
ReplyDelete