Saturday, May 10, 2014

800+

Somehow I missed celebrating my 800th post on this blog - I've had a couple other blogs over the years, one was a group blog with my brother Gord, and two friends. So - woo hoo! Let the party begin...
It's a numbers kind of day:
  • March 18, 2009 - the date of my first post on this blog - so just over 5 years ago
  • 36 school days left
  • by Sunday I'll be under 50 days left til retirement
  • I'll turn 58 in a couple of weeks
  • this is the 2nd day of riding my bike to school - I may live to regret that as thunderstorms are in the forecast this afternoon! (Update - there were a few sprinkles on my bike ride home but the heavy rain didn't start til after I got home:)
  • 7 "official weekends" left after which I'll have one Looooooooong weekend :)
  • 2 - the number of the games the Habs have to win to move to the next round of NHL playoffs - hope they can do it!
Started this post yesterday, then got busy and put it aside. Story of my life!

I'm feeling in a bit of a funk even though I should be on top of the world. I went into my list of blog followers and blocked Michael. I'm not sure if that will prevent him from being able to read my blog. If not then perhaps he will read this and take the hint.  He keeps finding ways to stay attached to me and I find it very unsettling. I've been censoring my writing thinking he might be reading. He UN-followed me a few months ago then began following me again to keep in touch.  He UN-friended me on Facebook then a while ago sent me a Friend Invitation. Which I declined. 

A couple of weeks ago he approached me with the offer of "friendship". I haven't responded to that overture but I must because these "communications" are really having an adverse effect on me. I'm trying to find joy in life again but feel this overbearing presence weighing me down. Why is he doing this?  What does he really want? 

I'm tired of not being able to say what I want when I want to say it. I mean, this is MY blog. He texted me saying someone left a comment on one of my posts calling him "cheap" and that really bothered him. Why is that MY problem?? 

STOP READING MY BLOG MICHAEL AND THEN YOU WON'T GET HURT BY COMMENTS! LET ME BE SO I CAN FREELY WRITE WHAT I WANT AND NEED TO WRITE. IF I WANT TO VENT ABOUT YOU I WILL!! IT'S NO LONGER ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS. I NEED TO HEAL AND I CAN'T IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT THE OTHER WOMAN, THEN FESSED UP AND YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME? JUST EXACTLY WHAT IS THE SIZE OF YOUR EGO? YOU MUST THINK I HAVE ZERO SELF-RESPECT IF YOU THINK I WOULD WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND NOW. 

That's if for now folks. From now on I will write from my heart. 


20 comments:

  1. I am impressed with you because of your tenacity, your kindness, your wisdom, etc. It is so easy to get back with "the ex" even when you know it is a bad move, delays the healing, and will lead to another inevitable split. I admire your strength Jane. I look forward to following your loooooong weekend. My long weekend from teaching will be in 5 years.

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  2. It seems to me that Michael is missing his meal ticket. Whatever the future holds for you Jane, with or without a partner (and whomever that partner may be even if you let M back into your life) I am one of your 'anonymous' fans out in cyberspace. And I don't think that you've censored yourself over the past 800 posts to make yourself look better to the cyberpublic, but rather I get the sense that you've censored yourself by not disclosing 100% how friends/family/coworkers/paramours have taken advantage of you.


    I wish you many days of peace and sunshine in the future. In whatever form it takes, and with whomever, if anybody.

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  3. You could always have a blog 'by invitation only'.
    Jane x

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  4. Good for you for this blog post. I so admire how you have tastefully dealt with this situation and it is time for him to get the hint. You have no reason to take him back or to become friends with him again. I know that I don't think I would be as nice as you have.

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  5. Marjorie StintziMay 10, 2014 at 9:32 PM

    Well said. Hugs. Hope your biking weather contines.

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  6. I bet it was me, responding when he took the chandelier :) Unless it was his Grandma's heirloom, I still think it's cheap. I'm sorry he wouldn't let you move on with your life... Maybe, life is not as pleasant as he thought it would be without you... I think he was an idiot breaking the heart of such an amazing, beautiful and strong woman like you. Now he can suffer...

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  7. The dumbass is regretting dumping you. Who plots to move out while the partner is away? He did.
    I agree with anon.....somebody is missing his mealticket.

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  8. I've only been following your blog for a few weeks so amn't familiar with the story but I do know how funny it can get sometimes when you know certain people (especially those from real life) are reading your blog. Exes are always ex for a reason and it sounds like you have very good reasons for this ex so good for you. Cyberstalking is creepy and, for me, would be just one more reason to want to have nothing to do with him. But on to more important things, well done for cycling to work and enjoy the rest of your countdown!

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  9. If people are upset when someone speak's of them truthfully, then they should have behaved better.

    Some people stay friends with their ex's. Not me.

    I don't need that negative energy in my life.

    I am so very happy for your countdown!! So much awaits you!!!

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  10. Thanks BKat, you've made a good point! The negative energy has been lingering - I felt like I needed to speak out.

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  11. Thanks Lena. I think he was an idiot too - we really had a good thing going (except maybe I only THOUGHT we had a good thing). I know I deserve better.

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  12. Me too Marjorie! Riding my bike really pumps me full of happy feelings. I can't think of anything I enjoy more!

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  13. Well I've had my "not so tasteful moments" Rachel, honestly. But thanks for your support - there are days when I would just like to give him a slap and say "really"??? Friendship? Don't think so.

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  14. I looked into that Jane and considered it. If I need to I will

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  15. Hi Anon :) Nice to hear from you. It's sad, I still feel like I should defend Michael - I really have to give my head a shake when those feelings surface because that's me just buying into his hype. He was so charming but I can see now that was just part of his facade.
    As a lifelong people pleaser I don't frequently reveal the whole truth like you say.

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  16. Five years isn't that long! :) There will be NO getting back with this EX, I know I would just be setting myself up for more heart ache. Besides, there is no trust left.

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  17. jesinalbuquerqueMay 11, 2014 at 2:03 PM

    Hello. I've been enjoying your posts for a while now. When I first found your blog, I read all the archives (as is my habit) and have seen a brave, smart woman. I retired a few months ago -- you are going to LOVE it.

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  18. livingrichonthecheapMay 11, 2014 at 3:43 PM

    I have been through (not exactly but similar) what you have been through a long time ago and that person is still trying to contact me, as recently as two weeks ago. We lived together 14 years ago. I cannot be friends. I go with zero contact as is the easiest way for me to live my life in peace. You probably already do this but don't take his calls, delete his emails, try the ignore route ( just a suggestion, doesn't work for everyone). It sucks that he lurks on your blog but obviously he regrets how and what he did. That doesn't make it go away, doesn't make the hurt any less. I hope he does leave you in peace now - you might have to ask him to do that though (and then disregard him if he doesn't)

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  19. Barb in TennesseeMay 13, 2014 at 6:53 AM

    Jane I continue to be awed by your strength and grace! I hate that M is trying to worm his way back into your life. And I do think "worm" is the best term for him and his actions! Keep on the path that you are on. I look forward to reading about your adventures to come. You HAVE to work out a way to continue posting when you get to PEI!

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  20. Found your backbone! Damn girl, keep it up! I love the message to him.
    And tough shit if his feelings are hurt by what is posted. Don't be a dick and people won't think bad of you! (Feel free to delete this comment, I'm just mad for you)
    My ex is a D-bag and I can't be friends with him. I can't be in the same room as him. There should be a pit that we can throw them into.
    I'm wondering if he will read this comment. If he is------SUCK IT!

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Thank you for your comment - it means a lot to me that you read my post and are leaving a comment - you just made my day!