Topics

I seem to be a one-topic gal these days. It's all about wildflowers, trails, hiking, animals and birds. Life seems to be going pretty well and I have no complaints....not any major ones anyway. You could say I'm in a "good place." And isn't that what the previous 40 years were all about? Getting to a "good place?"  I think so.

First I worked on farms, then at a couple of restaurants (4), then I worked at The Royal Bank for 9 years full-time and 5 years part-time while I went full-time to university. I put in my time doing work I didn't enjoy, as do we all. From university I went to Teacher's College, often with my one-year old on my hip. I only had one professor ever complain about bringing Kazi to class and his problem was that she got more attention than he did!

At the ripe old age of 36 I got my first teaching position (l992) and worked at an adult education centre for the next 7 years. Just an hourly wage, no benefits, though it was more money than I'd ever made before.  The hourly wage and top-up benefits we received, which included a daycare subsidy, were enough for me to qualify for a small mortgage and in l994 I bought this condo. I withdrew from my RSPs, cashed in two small life insurance policies, and borrowed from my dad to come up with a down payment of a whopping $7,000.00 and money to cover moving expenses.

Eventually, permanent jobs started to reappear in l999 and I was finally hired on full-time with benefits! Woo hoo, that was a happy day! For 3 years I worked between 2 schools, one of which was in another city so daily driving involved.  My boss asked me to commit to 2 years of driving between schools and I gave him 3. As a result I was rewarded with a full-time job at a nearby high school in a special education classroom and where I was, finally, my own boss.

Twelve years later I was able to retire early - I really needed to as it was such a high stress position. I achieved my Five Year Plan, thoroughly documented in this blog, of paying off all debt, saving a good chunk of cash and retiring at age 58 instead of 65. (Now it's 67!!)

You really can live on less if you keep your eye on your longterm goals. I became a master budgeter and through online friendships with fellow bloggers learned a hundred and one ways of squeezing more value out of my money.  I am so very grateful to you, to my parents, family and friends who have all helped in various ways.

So, here I am, smelling the roses :) at long last!

2017 - Boom or Bust?

I keep a mental list in my head of posts I want to write. Today I am setting those aside as well as deleting one that was a bit of a rant. I can't even remember why I needed to rant! Or felt I needed to rant. Everything is relative isn't it?

Kilally Meadows

My house is small compared to others. But it's warm and cozy and protects me from the elements. Isn't that what it's for?  Millions of people don't have a roof over their heads.

I thought I needed new living room furniture (remember that post?) but when my daughter expressed her sentimental love for the furniture we have I cancelled the pickup. The couches may be a little outdated but they are in good shape, firm and comfortable. I often fall asleep on them. Isn't that what they're for? Refugees have no furniture.

My truck is old and rusty - but it always starts, is in good working order and has never failed to get me from Point A to Point B. Isn't that what it's for? The poor in London are hoping to get a discounted bus pass.

I have read many blog posts over the past week that relay feelings of sadness, depression, illness and injury, lost hope and feeling "stuck". It seems that 2016 was not a great year for a lot of people and 2017 is looking pretty scary, especially if you're a liberal. (That's a joke!)

What do we want for ourselves in 2017? It's pretty much a given that we want to be happy, yet our present circumstances makes that hard at times, if not all of the time. Curiously, a couple of months ago I purchased a journal for 2017 called "Create Your Own Happiness". I think I'm going to need it - I have my own issues with depression/anxiety and motivation and I worry about climate change among other things. From what I've written above I think it's clear that I don't derive happiness from things. I'm grateful I own my home, own Dougie the Dodge and own old furniture. (If I keep things long enough they become valuable antiques don't they?) And I have no debt.

What leapt out at me while reading blog posts today were all of the positive and helpful, supportive comments. We have such a good network here, I know, because I've been on the receiving end of your support during some of the worst moments of my life.

So...what's my point? Do I even have a point? Well, yes I do...we really do make our own happiness. What helps us feel happy? - each of us will have a different list and I encourage you to make one. Some of you already have.
Here's mine: ( in no particular order )

• walking in the forest
• witnessing the return of birds in the spring and watching the plants and wildflowers come back to life
• photography
• trail running, volleyball, hiking, cycling
• yoga, meditation
• travelling to new places and exploring them through long distance walking
• the beach/sunshine
• books
• music/listening and playing the piano
• creating: writing, carving, painting, sewing, journalling, crocheting
• standing up for social wrongs
• donating to worthy causes
• cooking 
• Luna and Lily
• Kazi
• Hannah
• brothers and sisters
• Julie and Troy and Lynnie
• my cyber friends, especially those I have met: Annie, Michelle in NB, Kim and Marguerite in PEI, Johanna (many more I want to meet!)
• my high school graduating class - we still meet up every year
• cousins and niece and nephews
• genealogy research
• good movies
• the poet Rumi
• laughing/singing/dancing
• road trips

Nothing like the antics of an alien-looking wild turkey to make you smile.

Evidence that the deer are nearby even though all I saw were their hoof prints.

I hope you'll make a happiness list and I hope that at least once a day you'll do something from your list to increase your joy. There's a lot of shit going on in the world that we can do nothing about - and that can make us feel helpless. But you can do something about what's going on in your own back yard even if it's just making a cup of tea and reading a chapter in whatever book/genre that interests you.

Today I: walked in the forest, listened to the geese flying overhead, took photos, read the newspaper, had a coffee and Bailey's ;) , cuddled with Lily, spent time with Kazi, texted a friend, stared at the watery version of the sun that was available today, texted a friend, wrote a post.  

Plan to - have a bath with my new Lush bath bomb, watch a movie, read a book, have a shot of Jameson's, and fall asleep probably before midnight!   

I'm so happy I've been able to keep this orchid plant alive and blooming!

More belly rubs coming right up Lily!

Wishing you all a very HAPPY New Year! Let's work on it together and provide support to those who need it, no judgement, no put downs. As if!

Blah Blah Blah Bloggy Blah

I'm on a roll right? Hee hee hee...  (I wish it was a Swiss roll!!!)

Sonya Ann - don't you dare stop blogging - you make me laugh soooo hard - you have cornered the market on sarcastic wit and I love you for it. Even if you just blog for me that's something right? (You too, sister dear, you used to love writing!!)

And.......you never really know who all is reading - sometimes people write a comment because I've struck a nerve (thank you very very much - keep commenting!!!!!) but 99% of people "read and dash!" And that's okay - well, it better be ok because we have NO control over that.

I think sometimes I get too caught up in trying to write with perfect grammar (thank goodness I have a sister who edits my posts hahahaha) and/or a funny story with a perfect ending but that's not always "real life".  I find the posts I get the most responses on are the ones that are straight from the heart and I whip off in a couple of minutes. I need to plan less and just write. Right?

I try to have a format but it never lasts for more than a week or two. And I get sporadic and then try to make up for it with a dozen quick posts. I just need to remember that I blog for me (mostly) so if I take a week off, oh well. If the well runs dry, oh well....hell.

There, that's my little ramble for today. I hope y'all keep blogging for the love of it - believe me - if it gets too boring we'll let you know!! :)  :)

And now...CAT pictures!!! (Because we all know there's nothing better than a good cat photo! I know how to keep you coming back!!)

Can't see the cat? Look closer!

There's Luna!

She loves to hide.

Sleepy Luna

Speak to the hand!

Bliggedy Bliggedy Blog

I had such a nice moment yesterday. It was the annual "Gathering on the Green" where craft vendors gather, kids play at a number of free activities, social groups set up tables letting folks know what's going on in their communities, green thumb gardeners sell plants and so on. I was volunteering at the Council of Canadians table - the group I do activism (rallies, sit-ins etc) with when a woman came over to talk to me.

She wanted to tell me that she recognized me from reading my blog - that she had followed my retirement countdown and all the other aspects of my life over the past few years. I was so touched! She couldn't remember exactly how she had landed on my blog but she continued to follow my journey. If you're reading this today I want to say a big THANK YOU!! I'm glad you stopped to let me know - that was very thoughtful and I'm grateful to know I have a friend out there!

When something like that happens it really gives the whole "blog thing" meaning. I mean, here we sit, day after day, year after year, sending our words out into the blogosphere and not really knowing those who quietly read what we write. Many folks read without commenting but follow our stories for years. Fascinating, isn't it? I mean, I'm not exactly J.K. Rowling or Kim Kardashian (thank goodness)!!

My ride yesterday was to the Gathering on the Green and back home for about 23km I think. I'm at 111km pedalled out of my 400km goal for June. Today we've had some thunderstorms and I'll probably ride my stationary bike instead of going out. That way I can also get my laundry done :) I was up and out before 9am today to get a newspaper and some groceries and then I baked when I got home. Some days you just have to stay put and get a few things done. Very few days, thankfully!

Last night I went downtown for another annual event - Nuit Blanche! This is a fairly new event for London (4 or 5 years?) but I love it! All sorts of art projects going on in various locations throughout the downtown area - bands, jugglers, visual arts, performance arts, sleight of hand and so on. Unfortunately it did rain off and on but my friend and I got to experience a few things:

Drama, poetry, painting, dancing about WATER!

A band was playing to the left of the lights.

Pyrotechnics & music 

Not easy to get a photo of flames!

This young lady was rolling a ball all over the place -
she was very good!

Before and After

Hi everyone - we're back!! ( me & Annie of Northern Living Allowance) I'm still sorting through photos and posting daily albums on Facebook. When that job is done I'll do a day by day description of this year's trip like I did last year. In the meantime (due to gearing up for a long drive out to PEI - more on that later) I'll post when I can.

Frankly, I think we look more tired in the first picture which was taken in the Metro station and we hadn't even taken the first step of our cross-country expedition! It's probably just the harsh flourescent bulbs emphasizing our bags and wrinkles, yeah, I'm sure that's what it is...'cause I KNOW we felt like teenagers about to have an incredible adventure - what could go wrong? Blisters and sore feet, rashes and sore achilles tendons were the furthest things from our minds - we were invincible!

And we were! Invincible that is...we lost track of our many aches and pains and no matter how tired and sore we were (and we were really sore) when we went to bed we woke up feeling better and ready to hit the trail. Mostly.

Calamity Jane and Annie (get your gun) Oakley - Day One

 We got to use our rain gear on the very first day - yippeeee!!! And many times more over the next few days. We got to be super fast at putting on our jackets etc when the first drops started to fall - the problem was it would start and stop raining about 100 times a day! Phew! We faced rain, mud, gale force winds and then sunshine (we're in short sleeves on our last day of hiking) - at least it didn't snow!

Annie Oakley and Calamity Jane - Day Seven

 On our last day of walking we encountered an older gent making an extra pound or two by posting where hikers were from and the mileage on a signpost he created and taking photos. A nice keepsake - behind us is Scotland!

A long long way from home!

Before I sign off I just want to say that the world of blogging has brought many special people into my life - people I'd never have met otherwise.  Annie is one of those people. I think Hadrian's Wall would have been hard to do on my own and I'm glad I didn't have to. Annie was always positive and though we both had moments when we wondered what the heck we were doing out in the middle of nowhere with the rain pouring down and the wind almost blowing us over we kept going, encouraging each other. We learned to appreciate and take great joy in the little things - a hot cuppa, a bathtub, a bowl of hot soup and a crusty bun, and managed to keep our sense of humour most of the time :)

Thank you Annie - WE DID IT!!

Suggestions and Comments

Thank you everyone for your support, suggestions and comments. Putting it "out there" isn't easy but I know my blogging friends and readers don't judge. There is still such a stigma attached to depression/anxiety/mental illness in general which makes it hard for those who suffer to speak up. There is a genetic link with my dad suffering terrible anxiety and long term depression. I was a witness to his pain and it wasn't pleasant. My mom helped as much as she could plus he had drug therapy, talk therapy and shock treatment. (Glad no one suggested THAT!!)

Many of you were in favour of medication as a temporary stopgap. That's a tough one for me as last year I weaned myself off of two drugs - one for anxiety related to menopause and one for back pain. If at all possible I'd rather not use any other drugs but I'm not totally closing the door.

Also appreciated are all of the hugs - even the puppy and 14 cat hugs:) Those of you who are pet lovers know how therapeutic it is to have a fur baby to stroke, snuggle and kiss. I think I'd be in much worse shape without Lily and Luna sprawling themselves all over me every chance they get.

As I type this Luna is cuddled up on my feet. Maybe it's my Icelandic socks she's enjoying - it's a chilly 12c today.

I saw the acupuncturist yesterday. Unlike when he treated the pinched nerve in my shoulder I am NOT getting instant relief for my back. He encouraged me to walk 8-10km everyday as it's good for the spine and discs so I've hiked Kilally Meadows yesterday and today. It's also a known fact that being out in "nature" is good for one's mental health so maybe I can kill two birds with one stone. He also encouraged me to keep stretching and to get back into yoga. So I don't forget I've set my phone's timer to go off every hour and then I get down on my yoga mat for some fun.

Speaking of fun I liked  the suggestion of watching/reading things that are funny. Thanks for your list 444 - I won't take it lightly!!

Finally thanks to those of you who've shared their experiences with depression and Sluggy you never know when I might turn up at your door...nah...I'd give you fair warning. And Kim, you DO make me laugh :)

Packing up a Dream

I am busy busy with packing up my belongings in my PEI home. It's a complicated process. There is the stuff I have to take home with me when I leave, hopefully soon; the stuff I want to keep but don't have enough room to take this year so it'll go to my sister's house, errrr sheds; and the stuff that I am going to donate to the Salvation Army. I've already taken a huge load to the Salvation Army and donated about half of my clothes to the Bargain Nook in Alberton. (Today when I was in the grocery store in Alberton I saw a woman wearing one of the tops I donated last week!! Looked good on her too!)

Today I worked in the kitchen, going through all of the cupboards and sorting things out into the 3 different destination piles. I also had a visit from a "former blogger", Johanna and her beau and it was so nice to see them. It's been two years since her last visit and lots has changed in both of our lives since then.

My friend Julie has been an enormous help; keeping me fed and "watered" during my emotional journey. On Wed. I'll be driving her to the airport in Charlottetown and I'll miss her immensely, but if my luck holds out I'll be joining her in London soon. Perhaps you've noticed the change of my header photo - that's my cute little condo this past spring when my crabapple tree was in bloom and my bleeding heart bush. Sweet isn't it? And I changed my photos to a self-portrait of myself in my university days and one of Kazi and myself at one of my retirement dinners.

I think I've settled on which trailer I would like to buy IF it's still available when I'm finally finished up with this place. I may have good news on that score but will wait til I know for sure. Here are pictures of the trailer I'd like to buy:

 Nice covered deck on the back, so even if it's raining I can sit outside!

This is the front, there is a small porch and an addition to the trailer. Also you can see a sweet little shed at the back.

The lot is really nice - lots of trees, bushes and lawn, and of course a firepit!

I want lots of space for visitors (a grandchild someday?) See how there is a dividing wall that can be pulled across to create a bedroom for guests? Also the addition is large and can be an extra bedroom!

Kitchen/dining area, though most cooking and eating would take place outside.

But for now it's a dream so I can't get too invested in this place. Looking around at what's available helps keep me sane and diverts me from what I am losing.  What I wish I could do is pick up Crofters Lane, forest, water view and all and drop it down on the outskirts of London.  But since I can't do that I amuse myself with other possibilities.

I should know something definite about the possible sale of this house Wednesday night so stay tuned!

Happiness is...

• a smart and funny child who makes me smile (she calls me "lady")
• my newish blog title :) (thank you my friends!)
• planting new trees on the old homestead (1 maple and 2 beech)
• discovering that previously planted trees are still alive!! (4 out of 5 maples, a red oak, an eastern pine, many many spruce seedlings)
• having a sister email me several times a day with positive advice and encouragement
• having a good friend spend 3 weeks with me to get me over a tough spell
• marigolds
• gathering enough dead wood for several more campfires
• a cold beer (or two) after mowing lawn around my forest during 30+ humid weather...ahhhhh!
• wandering around Victoria by the Sea with no time restraints; walking out onto the ocean floor when the tide is out!
• RAW FOOD - tonight's dinner is zucchini spaghetti with alfredo sauce made from cashews :)
• buying my very own adjustable wrench!!
• planting kale and lettuce seeds in July - why not?
• time for reading novels (not exactly classic literature if you know what I mean)
• icecream (toffee almond twist - a flavour I can only get on the island - I made it THREE WEEKS before I caved!!
• YOU and YOU and YOU and YOU!! My blogging friends - the best friends in the world!!
• loving myself, believing that I am worthy
• meeting relatives for the first time!! My second cousin Dawn and cousin-in-law Cindy
• travelling to Halifax for the first time - what an amazing city! I love your galleries and museums and especially your thrift/vintage clothing stores!!
• siblings who care
• crows for their entertainment value
• a strong wind that helps keep me cool in this scorching weather AND prevents mosquitoes and flies from landing on me :) :)  now THAT'S happiness!!
• high speed internet which I DON'T have, but wish I did; it took about 15 minutes to upload the following 5 photos - good thing I didn't try for more! 

                                     The tide is out!

                                    I want a turquoise house (in Victoria by the Sea!!)

                                Chocolate should be on the list - it makes me really really really happy!

                                  PEI scenery - the layers and layers in a landscape.

                              Trees, especially the largest tree in PEI!!!     Julie is a tree-hugger but this one was                                                        way too big for her though she tried!  

                                  Ain't she a beaut!?!          

So anyways...

Hurrah! I now have what they call here "high speed internet"!! I beg to differ but it's better than what I had before which was just my cell phone. (Can't wait to see my next cell phone bill - NOT!!) Tonight it took a while before I was able to get online but eventually I did, so I should just stop being a whiner!

I've been wondering where to go next with my blog - that's the dilemma I'm currently facing. Now that I AM retired what's next? Things didn't exactly turn out the way I thought they were going to and I still don't know the answer to the Clash song's big question: "should I stay or should I go now?" I really don't know. Honest to God I change my mind about 10,000 times a day. I have had some really rough days here at Crofters Lane - I'm even wondering about changing its name to something else, but if I don't move here then why bother? I'm really overthinking things so am going to let it go for now and try not to think about it. The answers will come.

So, what I'm thinking about now is changing up my blog format, changing my direction to something like:

"Living Alone: Smash the Fear" (Sam - you were the inspiration for that one - at least your fridge is;)!!)

"The Single Life: Pros and Cons"

"The Joys and Sorrows of Life Alone"

"Finding Jane"

"After Retirement - What's Next?"

"Life after Teaching"

"Finding my Way Back"

And on it goes...I am open to suggestions...please! All that "alone" stuff isn't meant to just be morose but to explore the various challenges a woman, aged 58, retired, faces as she goes about her daily life. For instance, I am finding new ways of doing things since I don't have a strong man around. I have to be way more creative. Is that interesting? Do you have an opinion of what direction I should take? Please weigh in with your opinions - I find what you have to say immensely valuable!

In the meantime I'll be sharing photos from the last couple of weeks, and I have TONS! Hopefully you don't mind going back in time a wee bit while I catch up. I haven't done a proper post since I left Ontario 3 weeks ago.

Here's a start; I left London on June 29th, stopping in Barrie for a little jam session...

 Tammy - bass player extraordinaire!

Her talented partner Jay...

Steve and Nancy, the hosts of the evening...

And then entered a saxophone player...

and a tinkler of the ivories...

pretty magical! (Look ma, no hands!!)

Jan, belting one out!

Oh yes, I also play guitar...

On the road again...drove as far as I could that night and then slept in the back seat of my truck at a service centre - yes, indeedy!

There's so much to love about New Brunswick...the hills..

the streams...

the view around every curve...

the lupines were at their peak...

Dougie the Dodge handled beautifully - I was so proud!

I pushed myself and drove from 6am to 10pm...the sunset was brilliant...

and then I arrived at my destination - a sweet little house in rural New Brunswick - good friends, good food, awesome fur babies and a comfy bed. Sigh..... :)

To be continued...