Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Time is on My Side

Time these days just gets away from me - I can feel it slipping through my fingers like sand. I thought that once I retired time would slow down a little bit but it hasn't. There is so much to see and do and I have to balance that with equal amounts of down time. Those of you who are introverts like me will understand that. Extroverts derive their energy from being around other people while introverts enjoy the company of others but regain their energy by spending time alone.

Like most introverts I do better in small groups (2-4 people) and like 1:1 time spent with a close friend as opposed to large group parties and events where I tend to feel lost and invisible. I don't have the gift of "small talk" - I can wing it for awhile but then feel exhausted afterwards. I don't mind attending "games night" or "progressive euchre nights" because there is an activity that we are all involved in but having to "mingle" at a party is difficult and I tend to avoid those.

In speaking with my introverted brother he admitted that he sometimes "lies" to others who are requesting him to attend certain social functions because he really doesn't want to go. So he'll invent something in order to bow out gracefully. I had to laugh at that because sometimes I do the same thing! I now find myself really weighing whether I want to attend certain events or not and if I don't want to go I don't. Sometimes I make up a reason and sometimes (depending on the event and people involved) I can explain myself honestly.

My real friends know me well and understand but there are others who don't get it. But I'm at the point in my life now when I feel I can and should do exactly what I want. If I don't want to go to something then I don't go; instead of suffering through it, regretting the time wasted and swearing to myself I'll never do that again. So that's why I love this quotation below which Meryl Streep quoted as words she lives by. (Original author is Jose Micard Teixeira)

It's all about being honest - with yourself and with others.

 “I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.” Meryl Streep quoted it as words she lives by!
Update: originally written by self-help author José Micard Teixeira.

So I cut my own hair!
I don't want to waste any more time. For some reason now that I'm retired it seems easier to say NO. In the past I would go to things because I felt (wrongly) that I was being antisocial if I didn't go. Now I understand myself better and am gradually developing a life that suits me better. I can choose between saying yes and no. I'm not becoming a hermit - I do say yes to things but I'm also giving myself time for my solitary pursuits: reading , writing, sewing, carving, genealogy, cycling and other, more artsy pursuits. 

And there's nothing wrong with that!

1 comment:

Kim said...

OMG, I think I just figured out why I went 18 months without getting a haircut. I thought I didn't like getting my haircut, but it's probably the chit chat. I'm even reasonably good at chit chat, but after chit chatting all day, I'm wiped.