Update

Hello my friends. Thank you for the enquiries regarding my daughter. We hit a bit of a low point over the past couple of months and it's been hard to put pen to paper...so to speak. But we are very hopeful that the recent procedure she had done will put paid to pesky abnormal cells and she'll be enjoying full health soon. Well, soonish.

The procedure she had done is called LEEP which can be googled if you want the gory details. The doctor told her after it was performed that it had a 90% success rate so that is where the hopefulness comes in. She still has a year of continuous pap tests to go through before she will be declared free and clear. Every 3 months she'll have a pap test until such time as she has 4 clear tests in a row. Then she'll go to once a year.

Kazi is also doing battle with anxiety and depression resulting in going on short term disability. This has been a difficult struggle as resources around here, such as seeing qualified psychologists and therapists, are in such high demand these days as a whole generation of millennials try to get by on low-paying multiple jobs, many part-time and without benefits and without a hope in hell of ever owning a home or building up savings.

In other, happier news.... SPRING is on its way and we are enjoying a few warm and sunny days with lots of rain and a few snowflakes mixed in. I am doing a minimum of 20 minutes daily in nature to keep my own mood positive. This is my favourite time of year with the ospreys and other birds returning to my favourite spot, Kilally Meadows, along with many wildflowers and flowering trees. Just to keep my feet firmly planted I've started spring cleaning :) just for fun! I started with my dining room as it's an easy room to clean and hopefully by next spring I will have made it through the whole house!

I hope you are all doing well! My plan is to return soon to more frequent posting. Volleyball ends April 26 and I am looking forward to having more time on my hands for writing, genealogy and of course CYCLING!

Thanks for always being there, I appreciate it so much.

2017 - Boom or Bust?

I keep a mental list in my head of posts I want to write. Today I am setting those aside as well as deleting one that was a bit of a rant. I can't even remember why I needed to rant! Or felt I needed to rant. Everything is relative isn't it?

Kilally Meadows

My house is small compared to others. But it's warm and cozy and protects me from the elements. Isn't that what it's for?  Millions of people don't have a roof over their heads.

I thought I needed new living room furniture (remember that post?) but when my daughter expressed her sentimental love for the furniture we have I cancelled the pickup. The couches may be a little outdated but they are in good shape, firm and comfortable. I often fall asleep on them. Isn't that what they're for? Refugees have no furniture.

My truck is old and rusty - but it always starts, is in good working order and has never failed to get me from Point A to Point B. Isn't that what it's for? The poor in London are hoping to get a discounted bus pass.

I have read many blog posts over the past week that relay feelings of sadness, depression, illness and injury, lost hope and feeling "stuck". It seems that 2016 was not a great year for a lot of people and 2017 is looking pretty scary, especially if you're a liberal. (That's a joke!)

What do we want for ourselves in 2017? It's pretty much a given that we want to be happy, yet our present circumstances makes that hard at times, if not all of the time. Curiously, a couple of months ago I purchased a journal for 2017 called "Create Your Own Happiness". I think I'm going to need it - I have my own issues with depression/anxiety and motivation and I worry about climate change among other things. From what I've written above I think it's clear that I don't derive happiness from things. I'm grateful I own my home, own Dougie the Dodge and own old furniture. (If I keep things long enough they become valuable antiques don't they?) And I have no debt.

What leapt out at me while reading blog posts today were all of the positive and helpful, supportive comments. We have such a good network here, I know, because I've been on the receiving end of your support during some of the worst moments of my life.

So...what's my point? Do I even have a point? Well, yes I do...we really do make our own happiness. What helps us feel happy? - each of us will have a different list and I encourage you to make one. Some of you already have.
Here's mine: ( in no particular order )

• walking in the forest
• witnessing the return of birds in the spring and watching the plants and wildflowers come back to life
• photography
• trail running, volleyball, hiking, cycling
• yoga, meditation
• travelling to new places and exploring them through long distance walking
• the beach/sunshine
• books
• music/listening and playing the piano
• creating: writing, carving, painting, sewing, journalling, crocheting
• standing up for social wrongs
• donating to worthy causes
• cooking 
• Luna and Lily
• Kazi
• Hannah
• brothers and sisters
• Julie and Troy and Lynnie
• my cyber friends, especially those I have met: Annie, Michelle in NB, Kim and Marguerite in PEI, Johanna (many more I want to meet!)
• my high school graduating class - we still meet up every year
• cousins and niece and nephews
• genealogy research
• good movies
• the poet Rumi
• laughing/singing/dancing
• road trips

Nothing like the antics of an alien-looking wild turkey to make you smile.

Evidence that the deer are nearby even though all I saw were their hoof prints.

I hope you'll make a happiness list and I hope that at least once a day you'll do something from your list to increase your joy. There's a lot of shit going on in the world that we can do nothing about - and that can make us feel helpless. But you can do something about what's going on in your own back yard even if it's just making a cup of tea and reading a chapter in whatever book/genre that interests you.

Today I: walked in the forest, listened to the geese flying overhead, took photos, read the newspaper, had a coffee and Bailey's ;) , cuddled with Lily, spent time with Kazi, texted a friend, stared at the watery version of the sun that was available today, texted a friend, wrote a post.  

Plan to - have a bath with my new Lush bath bomb, watch a movie, read a book, have a shot of Jameson's, and fall asleep probably before midnight!   

I'm so happy I've been able to keep this orchid plant alive and blooming!

More belly rubs coming right up Lily!

Wishing you all a very HAPPY New Year! Let's work on it together and provide support to those who need it, no judgement, no put downs. As if!

Adult Children re Sluggy's Post

Here, read Sluggy's post first before you read mine (if you haven't already). 

No I'm not going to lecture Sluggy on what she and her husband should or shouldn't do with regard to their adult children. I'm just going to add to her story some stories of my own family members.

PROS of having your adult child move back in with you:

• this happened to my oldest brother once. His son and new wife moved in for 6 months with the understanding that they would contribute to utilities and food and save the rest of their income for a down payment on a house. Fortunately they had a firm plan with a set time limit and at the end of the 6 months they did indeed buy a home with a solid down payment.
• they can help look after a parent or grandparent with health issues. My other brother did this with great sacrifice in his own life/career). My father, at this point in his illness (cancer plus psychological problems - depression and anxiety), was very difficult to live with - I don't know if I could have done it.

CONS of having your adult child move back in with you:

• it can really put the parent's relationship on shaky ground if they don't agree absolutely to a set of rules. And if the adult child is disrespectful, has financial problems and not a great attitude it can turn out horribly!! Saw this in my family too.
• the front door (or back!) becomes a revolving door - child comes home, leaves, comes home again and on it goes totally disrupting the parent's lives. They leave their junk behind but do not dare to throw anything out! Food that is needed gets eaten up, utility bills increase, they borrow money that they never pay back. They don't do the things they said they would do in order to get back on their feet. Ka-ching!

Sunday's lunch in the forest

 My situation is different (but quite common these days) in that my 25 year old daughter has never left home in the first place! She is trying to pay off her student loans and pays all of her other bills like cell phone and contributes by buying her own food and wine etc. She has never asked me for money. More and more young adults these days are staying at home. In my day we were out the door as soon as possible while our parents called out "don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

But Kazi is struggling. She just lost the job she had for 7 months in the medical office. The doctor decided he wasn't busy enough to warrant having a 2nd person at the desk. She is down to one job currently which is a part-time bar tending gig. One thing I can say in her favour is that she is never without a job for long - she has had one interview already and another this Friday.

However, it is this instability that makes her afraid of moving out. She's saving as much as she can in case she needs some retraining. Yes, she has a degree in french but she graduated almost 4 years ago so she would have to brush up on her skills in a big way.

The view behind me.

I am finding it very hard. I watch as her self confidence erodes a bit more with each job loss. I bite my tongue and don't offer advice because I know she doesn't want to hear it. I try to stay upbeat as I know she is taking anti-anxiety medication and I don't want to increase her anxiety. It's a really sucky situation as I know she's not happy living with her mother.

The view in front of me.

Financially it's not a problem for me as, like I said before, she has never asked for a loan. I did have a repair done on her car but she paid me  back in full. I live frugally, probably too frugal for her liking but tough luck! It was by living frugally that I now enjoy a comfortable retirement. I'm trying to continue with my retirement plans though I do feel some guilt for jetting off to Ireland for 3 weeks. Though I shouldn't.

Right now she has a free roof over her head, free wifi, an excellent cat sitter :) electricity, laundry (she does her own) and some heat (she thinks I keep the thermostat set too low), again I say "tough luck". (In my own head...not out loud lol!) Well sometimes out loud - when my brother  was staying with us after his eye operation she complained to him it was always cold in here so I said "she who pays the bill gets to set the thermometer!" I try to use a little humour now and then but she is so sensitive that I usually end up hurting her feelings.

That is the hardest part for me. The number of topics which can hurt her feelings is seemingly endless and I don't really know what to do other than to not speak. I don't think I'm that hard to get along with as so far she is the only one to complain.

Case in point (today):
Me: so I guess your team didn't make it through to the next round? (she was rooting for the Chicago Black Hawks NHL team)
Her: why did you have to bring that up? (Meaning I'm only allowed to say HAPPY things)

It has come to the point where I don't want to speak for fear of hurting her feelings.

My lunch spot - thank you to whoever who provided this chair!

She just needs to get away from me and live her own life. Living with her mother at almost 26 years of age is tough for her as well as me. I try to joke around but it usually falls flat. (I'm a glass half full type of person whereas she is a glass half empty).

ADVICE? or just plain commiseration welcomed. Is it any wonder why I spend so much time in the woods? The forest is great for stress. It's called forest bathing and you can read all about it here...."forest bathing"! 

Blue Rodeo and The Wine Bar

Yesterday I was too tired to blog. I take about one nap per year and yesterday was my nap for 2016. Sunday night was such a great night out - prior to going to the "Blue Rodeo" concert I treated myself to a $15 glass of wine at The Wine Bar, a funky, comfortable space where I received excellent service in addition to cozy ambiance.

I sat on a lovely leather couch with a fireplace to my right filled with candles. The wine was called Butterfield Station - an excellent CabSav 2014 blend. Smoooooooth!!

This was the first time that I attended a concert by myself. 
It was a bit of an experiment for me to see if I could have a great time on my own - a single, almost sixty-year old woman. Would I encounter any discrimination? Would I feel invisible? Would I feel comfortable? I'm of the mind that I should be able to go anywhere and feel comfortable, but in reality that doesn't always happen. You wouldn't believe  (or maybe you would) the number of women who say to me "oh, I could never do that, not by myself!"
I have experienced ageism and gender discrimination over the past couple of years. It's enough to make a person just stay home! However, that is not satisfactory to me so I've decided to push the boundaries somewhat.

The young female bartender was very welcoming I am happy to report. She came over and lit all the candles, was super-friendly and I really enjoyed the lounge-y feel of the small seating area with leather sofa and coffee table. I took out my iPad and made some detailed notes of the positive experience.

So here's the gist of my quest - there are a lot of social expectations in existence, rightly or wrongly. I want to challenge those expectations in my own little way. Why can't an (almost senior) single woman go out and have a great time on her own without thinking that a) people feel sorry for her; b) she's weird; c) she's a loser and d) she has no friends.

Here's how I feel about that:
a) Don't feel sorry for me or any other 60 year old woman going to events on her own. I sure don't feel sorry for myself. I had great anticipation for the concert and went an hour early so I could enjoy a really good glass of wine first. HOWEVER, I did think about what I would say if anyone (friend or family member) asked me who did I go with? Would I tell the truth (me, myself and I) or would I make up a mystery friend? I plan to tell the truth!! Because I happen to think it's just fine to go places on my own. (And I have experienced those pity-filled looks from people when I say I went somewhere alone because that's just NOT how things are done!!)
b) What's wrong with weird? But truly, I don't think it's weird to attend an event alone if I want to. I had been out with people 6 nights in a row previously to the concert and was more than ready to do something on my own.
c) Am I a loser? I know that over the last couple of years I've felt like one after losing my relationship, my home in PEI and having to recreate/remodel my "future" after retiring. I went through a depression and experienced a lot of anxiety but I'M BACK BABY, I'M BACK, better than ever. Every day my enjoyment of my life increases. In the last few months I've joined an activist group, a book club and a volleyball club. I walk/hike, go to yoga and group meditation. I've gone to all but 1 of the oscar-nominated movies, had dinner and too much wine with friends on several occasions, been out for breakfasts and lunches, renewed two friendships, spent time with family, been out for coffee(s), been to workshops and sit-ins, donated to charities and have purchased gifts for Christmas 2016, learned how to crochet, completed several carvings AND I'm going to Ireland!!

So, I feel less like a loser every day. I should have never felt like a loser in the first place but society has certain unwritten rules: you must be married or in a committed relationship in order to be happy, you must be outgoing and busy every minute of every day, you must accomplish things, women must be super-moms and employees, we must spend beyond our means so as not to look (or feel) deprived. I could go on and on.
d) Have I NO friends? I do have friends, sometimes it feels like I have too many friends after I've been out 7 days straight and I need time to unwind and recharge.

I have a plan to return to this topic frequently over the next year or so. I'm going to rate my various solo experiences that are outside of my comfort zone and that challenge society's mores. Sunday's experiences were wonderful! I'm off to a great start!

Greg Keelor

Jim Cuddy

I want this guy's job!

Jim - still yummy after all these years!

Mike Boguski - so immensely talented!

One bonus of going alone - I had an empty chair on my left and right - lots of room for dancing!!

Update from a Crazy Person

Well, I'm not doing too well keeping this blog up-to-date! I see I haven't posted since last Wed.! That's crazy!! It seems that I am rediscovering old interests which is great because that means I'm beating the depression little by little. I also must confess that I've spent a lot of time watching the news after Friday night's horrors in Paris!

I recently pulled out 3 art books that I've hung onto for years and years because they are about crafts and techniques that I was really enthused about back when I was an art teacher - one is about finger weaving, one is about monoprints and the other is about collage. So I went to my local thrift shop and bought some cheap balls of yarn to practice with and I am really enjoying "playing" around.

When looking up tutorials about other methods of finger weaving I found several youtube videos about finger "crocheting". So I've been trying that out as well as crocheting with a crochet hook - I don't know where the hook came from - it was in one of my sewing baskets - I inherited my mother's sewing basket and my gramma's sewing basket. My mother crocheted a bit and my gramma crocheted millions of things - she was so gifted she could look at projects in crochet magazines in a store then go home and replicate them! My oldest "seester" is also very gifted with both crocheting and knitting but I never really got into it.

I've managed, so far, to make a slipknot, crochet a chain and add rows of single crochet. You can pretty much learn to do anything on the internet these days!

Over the past year I've been trying to decide where I could volunteer my time. Then it hit me: the work I've been doing with the Council of Canadians IS my volunteer work! I guess it just doesn't seem like work! More like fun! And I've always been a bit of a rebel! Now I'm a rebel with a cause! Friday I was involved in a "sit-in" at a provincial MP's office, Saturday I helped to sew a banner for an upcoming climate rally, Sunday I delivered informational flyers about the controversial sale of a crown corporation to - Hydro One - and then did some prop painting also related to Hydro One.

I don't think I need to look for any more volunteer work!

Of course, in addition to all of that, I try to exercise daily (try...) I go to yoga and meditation, I meet friends for coffee or walks (or WINE)...and then there's housework (blech) and home improvements (double blech!) Today I'm going to do some finishing touches in the main bathroom - I got it mostly done and then it got too nice to be inside :) I'm a master of excuses...if you ever need an excuse for something, anything,  just let me know!!

I will get back to posting trip photos, I promise. I was doing well for a couple of days then stuff happened. And I still stick my nose into books a LOT! Can't help it - I love to read!! But then nothing gets done!

Well, I'm off! Kazi is visiting her boyfriend in New Jersey and she'll be home tomorrow. That's why I'm finishing the bathroom - she has all her potions, lotions and makeup with her which makes it a whole lot easier to maneuvre in there!

TTYL (talk to you later!)

Retirement Update

I noticed a blog post the other day (http://ndchicscents.blogspot.ca/) entitled "Retirement Update" which motivated me to provide one too.

Yup, still retired!!

When I was approaching retirement I thought I would give myself a year to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. It turns out a year wasn't long enough.  Bear in mind that a lot of life-changing events occurred over the past year and a half in addition to retirement: relationship ending, loss of future plans, 20 year old pet passed away, had to sell house in PEI, living on half the income I was used to, and a back injury.... which all contributed to low level depression and anxiety. Adjusting to retirement isn't as easy as it would seem!

So...where do things stand now?

• health: medication is helping both with both back pain and mood enabling me to get physical once again; riding my back  bike (thanks for catching that typo sis!) and going to yoga and meditation has also helped me both physically and mentally. I still see a counsellor and am on a wait list for "group therapy"
• social contact: staying in touch with people is so important but not easy for me being the introvert than I am: every day I try to connect with a few people through texting, emailing, Facebook, blog, phone calls, going to social events, getting together with family, becoming more of an activist and so on. I still have days when I'd rather not see anyone 
• reviving old hobbies: my brother said to think back to childhood when we naturally gravitated to the hobbies and activities that we loved: for me that included biking, sewing and reading as well as sports, board games and playing cards. I also loved to draw, play piano and be creative. So far I have done one sewing project with another in the works, I have purchased a book about drawing as well as an "adult colouring book". I am working (slowly) on carving a piece of soapstone and indulge my love of reading every day. As a child one of my favourite things to do was to put a book and a bagged lunch in my bike's basket and ride out into the countryside, then climbed a tree to read and eat my lunch :) These days I try to get out on my bike every day but so far haven't gone out into the countryside with a book and a lunch. I'll add that to my to do list! I go to a "sports night" once a month in addition to a monthly "games night" and last week I started going to a weekly "euchre night" which has been fun. Usually I get out to see one movie a week with a friend
• new hobbies/activities: what would I like to do that I haven't tried yet? Painting, particularly water colours, learn a new instrument or purchase a keyboard, go back to school (tuition at my alma mater is free at age 60) so I'm considering attending part-time next year - perhaps a degree in film or getting back into the visual arts
• volunteering: haven't made my mind up about that one yet - I want to volunteer but not sure about where or how often. I sort of dread being on a schedule
• part-time work: at this point in time I don't feel inclined to get a part-time job
• travel: planning a trip or two each year is fun and exciting yet expensive. Once my Canada Pension Plan kicks in next May I'll be able to travel more frequently.
• redecorating: still working away at this though things have slowed down now as the weather is too nice to be inside as much. Hopefully I'll feel more motivated in the fall...

So things are moving along. I would say the biggest barrier is lack of "motivation".  I get things done but at a much slower pace than in the past and have to push myself to move some days. I feel that I'm on the right path and need to be more patient with myself. It's been a HUGE adjustment and it's not over yet. 

I'll be OK.

When the health care system works...

...it works really well.

I just read in the paper today about cuts to RNs (registered nurses) BUT I do have some good news about our health care system as well.

It helps to live in a city (London, ON) where several top-notch hospitals with world-wide reputations are located but I digress.

My doctor told me I'd be lucky to get an MRI done before my trip in September. But earlier this week (Tuesday) I received a call about a cancellation the next day - did I want it? Of course!

The MRI itself was quite an experience - I wondered if I would be able to go in feet first instead of head first and was elated to discover that yes I could. The technician was wonderful and very reassuring. She gave me a squeeze ball that sounds an alarm when squeezed so if I was feeling claustrophobic I could be let out of there PDQ!  She also place a cloth over my eyes which was very calming and ear plugs for the noise.

Holding still for 20 minutes seemed like a very long time but I just focussed on my breathing. Whenever I felt like twitching or I would get a "bad thought" like - "what if everyone goes home and forgets I'm in here??" I would concentrate on breathing slowly and deeply. (The technician said afterwards that they almost never forget that someone's in the machine!!) What a card!!

She said it would take 4-5 days for the results to reach my doctor but lo and behold I had a call not 24 hours later from my doctor's office that they had the results and could I come in the next day (today) to go over the results! So I've been and come home again.

There's a lot going on with my spine and lumbar region. I have mild to moderate disc compression, disc bulging and disc uncovering (?) and mild stenosis (abnormal narrowing) in the lumbar region and lower spine.

At today's appointment I was told that I can request a referral to a spine doctor to confer about surgery and it's a one year wait! Because the problems I have are relatively minor in the grand scheme of things (for a 59 year old woman with a previous history of back pain since I fell off a trampoline when I was 14) a spine surgeon wouldn't likely operate and having my back operated on really doesn't appeal to me right now.  The other option is to continue what I'm doing - meds and lots of exercise.

The meds are helping with the pain as well as anxiety/depression and I'm becoming more active again - 90 minutes of yoga last night, riding my bike again, hiking and walking again so I feel pretty darn grateful for the relief I am getting.  And grateful for our health care system that doesn't charge me for the MRI and got it done in record time.

There are two sides to every coin.

Checking in...

Hello my dears...my lovelies as Lena used to say...(has anyone heard from Lena lately? I really miss her though I know she has her hands full right now...)

I write you from my position of laying on the floor. I've been having a lot of flareups over the past week and only get relief for my lower back if I lay on the floor with my legs on a chair....

So. Much. Fun.

One week from today I have another doctor's app't with the Big Cheese. So far I've only been seeing a resident and she doesn't seem to be listening to me the way I'd like her to so I'm going over her head. I'm going to ask once again for an MRI. The resident said I didn't have enough of the "red markers" that would indicate an MRI is needed and her advice to me wouldn't be any different no matter the outcome of the MRI. Hmmmm...so if I had a bulging disc or a compressed sciatic nerve she'd still send me to Hot Yoga? I just think I need a second opinion. And my counsellor, who works in the same clinic, is going to speak to the doctor the day before I see her to let her know how the pain is affecting my mood; ie depression and anxiety.

I apologize for not having something exciting to talk about - when you're in pain most of the time it sort of limits one's adventures. I've been sticking pretty close to home - going out for short walks, doing as much as I can around the house, doing errands and so on.

Oh I did go to an event last Saturday - "The Gathering on the Green" and rode my bike there and back which resulted in a major flareup on Sunday and which has yet to calm down. Grrrrrrr...

Here's a few pics from that event:

 My brother's booth - he makes and sells birdhouses. He's under the blue awning wearing a straw hat.

 There he is again...

Lots and lots of plants for sale...

 A dunk tank...

 Music...

Tai chi...

A free and guarded space for all of the bicycles that people rode to this eco-friendly event...

 Some members of London's Symphony Orchestra added music...

 and people sat and had a lovely tea party while listening to the orchestra...

 All around the green were booths filled with jewelry, crafts, homemade jams etc etc...

Oh to be young again...

My friend Julie participated by helping kids make beaded bracelets in the Museum London booth...

I participated by eating a hot dog!!  I don't usually eat processed meat but it smelled so good! One won't kill me :)

Kitty Cuteness: Kazi has become Luna's human and I have become Lily's.  Here's Lily hiding in the myrtle just waiting for the right moment to pounce on Luna.

This is Lily's favourite spot in the house - she can keep her eye on most goings on from this vantage point on the stairs. She'll also reach out with her paw and bop me on the head as I walk by.

Whatcha cooking Gramma?

Hey...is that a bug?

Finally, they both love my bedroom windows as they look out onto the crabapple tree where there is usually a squirrel, or in this case a robin, making a racket!

Update

You're right 444 - it's time for an update!

On the physical side of things I'm not getting any worse.  I've had the occasional day when I thought the pain was a bit less, but not often. I've tried topical gels and creams with some temporary relief of symptoms. Pain pills, even those with an added muscle relaxant, haven't really helped. And, very sadly, acupuncture isn't having its usual magical effect.

So, what did the doctors recommend? Well, the acupuncturist said to walk 8-10km per day and to also do something different like swimming. I don't swim but I will consider an aquafit class if I can find one.  And my GP gave me an "exercise prescription" as well - HOT YOGA!!

She sees a LOT of people like me (walkers, runners, hikers) with very tight muscles and hot yoga can help relax those muscles. So, starting tomorrow, I'm off to a beginner's hot yoga class. I've also started doing some yoga at home thanks to the recommendation on Carla's "blog of the "Yoga Studio" app.

**You know what would be a cool idea? A blog called "Bloggers helping Bloggers"! A forum for people to post their "problem" and other bloggers could post suggestions and ideas that worked for them.

Anyhoo - on to the depression. Through my own reading I've discovered that I'm going through the stages of grief due to a number of losses over the past year and a half: loss of relationship, loss of 20 year old pet, loss of meaningful work (retired), loss of PEI home and future life with partner, and loss of pain free movement. (loss of ability to pursue my hobbies - all of which require sitting)

The stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I'm stuck - I'm done with denial and bargaining....still feel some anger and definitely some depression. So my doctor gave me a referral to a counsellor and I've made the initial phone call, now just waiting for a call back so I can set up an appointment. I have NO idea how long I'll have to wait. In the meantime I'll continue doing what I'm doing: getting out into nature for long walks/hikes, visiting with family and friends, going to the trailer, doing the fix ups I can manage in the condo and at the trailer, yoga etc.

Today I have a couple of not very physically demanding jobs to do - put new little bumper pads on all of my kitchen cupboards and start prepping the walls in my bathroom for painting. And tonight I have a 2 hour hike. Every hour on the hour I'll stop whatever I'm doing and get down on my yoga mat for some stretches.  Sounds like a fun day...no? Hey, it makes me feel a wee bit better to be productive in some small way.

In other news....

Kazi bought one of these earlier this week:

It's a terracotta money pot! She's saving for "trips and MOVING"!! Of course when she says "moving" she means somewhere like Texas or California...so I'm not going to worry about that yet - it could take quite a while to fill her money pot! With this type of pot there is NO way of getting the money out except to smash it when it's full reducing the temptation of taking out what you've already put in (like I do with my piggy bank!!)

My accomplishment for yesterday was to write a reference letter for a student who helped out with my Best Buddies program at school.  I was dreading it but once I got started it was surprisingly easy. It also brought back a lot of good memories and I had a few tears. Part of me is glad I'm retired from THAT job but a big part of me misses the students and the fun times we had connecting through Best Buddies.

That's it for now...time for some stretches and blog reading!

Suggestions and Comments

Thank you everyone for your support, suggestions and comments. Putting it "out there" isn't easy but I know my blogging friends and readers don't judge. There is still such a stigma attached to depression/anxiety/mental illness in general which makes it hard for those who suffer to speak up. There is a genetic link with my dad suffering terrible anxiety and long term depression. I was a witness to his pain and it wasn't pleasant. My mom helped as much as she could plus he had drug therapy, talk therapy and shock treatment. (Glad no one suggested THAT!!)

Many of you were in favour of medication as a temporary stopgap. That's a tough one for me as last year I weaned myself off of two drugs - one for anxiety related to menopause and one for back pain. If at all possible I'd rather not use any other drugs but I'm not totally closing the door.

Also appreciated are all of the hugs - even the puppy and 14 cat hugs:) Those of you who are pet lovers know how therapeutic it is to have a fur baby to stroke, snuggle and kiss. I think I'd be in much worse shape without Lily and Luna sprawling themselves all over me every chance they get.

As I type this Luna is cuddled up on my feet. Maybe it's my Icelandic socks she's enjoying - it's a chilly 12c today.

I saw the acupuncturist yesterday. Unlike when he treated the pinched nerve in my shoulder I am NOT getting instant relief for my back. He encouraged me to walk 8-10km everyday as it's good for the spine and discs so I've hiked Kilally Meadows yesterday and today. It's also a known fact that being out in "nature" is good for one's mental health so maybe I can kill two birds with one stone. He also encouraged me to keep stretching and to get back into yoga. So I don't forget I've set my phone's timer to go off every hour and then I get down on my yoga mat for some fun.

Speaking of fun I liked  the suggestion of watching/reading things that are funny. Thanks for your list 444 - I won't take it lightly!!

Finally thanks to those of you who've shared their experiences with depression and Sluggy you never know when I might turn up at your door...nah...I'd give you fair warning. And Kim, you DO make me laugh :)

Life's Schedule - Full of Laughter!!

Can laughter be scheduled? I don't know but I'm willing to be a guinea pig and try! Last week at my Wed. night yoga/meditation the yoga leader had us do a little bit of laughing yoga. In my past life I might have poo-poohed such an idea but this year - THE YEAR OF BEING RIDICULOUS - I'm giving it a chance.

After years of being told by Reader's Digest that "Laughter is the Best Medicine" I am attempting to HEAL myself with laughter: laughing with friends, laughing at video clips (Monthy Python etc), laughing at books & movies, playing games, laughing at standup comedians on Netflix, laughing at silly cartoons and finally - Laughing YOGA!!

The video below should come with a "hysterically funny" warning! The fellow in the video is Dr. Madan Kataria - the inventor of Laughing Yoga.  Always the skeptic I surprised myself by laughing til I cried as I watched - I don't think I could ever be successful though at "laughing soundlessly" as he tried to do in this video. The funny thing is I felt like I was right in the room with Dr. Kataria - an intimate bond was created by joining in and his laughter (as is often the case) was contagious!

Tonight I'm attending my first full session of  "Laughing Yoga with two friends plus there is an upcoming free workshop on the topic coming up in another month. Apparently one's stress level and depressed negative thoughts can be helped a great deal through laughter. I'll get back to you...

Fighting the Slump

* Happy Thanksgiving to all of me American friends! I am thankful for each and every one of you!

Kazi and I are fighting the "slump" right now. Boo. Why does crap all seem to happen at once? Crap attracts more crap I guess.  You know all about my crap...I've been whining about it for almost a year. Yes, can you believe it? It's been almost a year since Voldemort left the scene of his crime. Has it gotten easier? Somewhat. But I feel a lot of the time like my feet are stuck in deep mud and it takes a lot of effort to take the next step. I feel LAZY but I know it's more of a depressed slump. It takes me a week to accomplish less than what I used to do in a day. But enough about me...

Last week Kazi got in a fender bender while she was leaving Chicago to drive back to London. I got a teary phone call and felt so helpless - I wanted to immediately rush to her aid but she was too far away. She wasn't hurt, thankfully, but she didn't know what to do! Eventually the friend who she had been visiting came to her aid and a police officer stopped, reports were made and the damage to her car was deemed minor enough that she  could continue her journey. Needless to say I was worried sick til she arrived home. The aftermath is still ongoing as we wait to for the car to get called in for repairs etc.

Walking the day after a major wind storm

As if that wasn't enough Kazi's boyfriend  ex-boyfriend has decided he doesn't want to work things out. She is looking at the breakup as an opportunity to do some things she has put off while in the relationship. Stuff like moving to Toronto or going back to Australia to work or travel.  She'll take some time to figure things out - I won't let her jump into something too quickly or she'll likely regret it. (EEK - I'm freaking out about Luna and Lily moving to Toronto!!!)

What's cuter than cuddly kittens?

 Awwww, lookit - Luna has her arm around Lily :)

Lily looks how I feel!

 I do lots of stuff to keep myself busy and the depression at bay but movement isn't always progress. The hiking is good though, I know that much is true:) But life seems like a mystery to me. I'm used to having a plan to follow - get up, go to work etc etc.  I'm not quite sure what my plan should be now and that's ok. Hopefully the answers will come. I'm doing a bit of yoga and meditation and the vibes from that are positive, like the hiking. (maybe the plan is to NOT have a plan - scary!)

The big news is that a date has been set for the installation of my new basement flooring. It's costing almost twice as much as I had hoped but I'm biting the bullet on that one. It's gotta get done. I've been working v e r y  s l o w l y  down there filling in nail holes in the walls and sanding. Today I'll wash the walls and I'll be ready to paint next week. Then when the floors are done I can start the process of UNPACKING the bins of stuff I was going to take to PEI and start making this place look like a home again. That will give me a more settled feeling I think. Getting my house in order will give me the peace of mind to pursue other things...at least that's the hope.

Yesterday there was a fresh dusting of snow on our hike through Gibbons Park and up through the university. Two friends came with me but I ended up walking and talking with someone I hadn't talked to before. Peggy must be in her late 70's - she and her husband Ian joined the hiking club 17 years ago! So they've been retired for awhile. She is a bloody marvel! They hike Tuesdays and Thursdays, swim Mondays and Wednesdays, skate on Fridays, go to language classes, travel, are deeply interested in history and art and are just full of passion for life. Very inspiring. Talking to Peggy made me see that a person can be vital, energetic and full of life no matter what age they are. It was a real eye-opener.

Lots of trees were down due to the major windstorm we had earlier in the week. We had to make a few detours.

 It's good to have friends. It's a balancing act for me though - after being with friends I always need time to myself. A lot of people don't understand that.

University College - where I used to go for my English Lit classes years ago! I have hikes planned for Saturday and Sunday - being outside brings me peace. Well I'd better get going - my laptop charging cord isn't working so I'm using Kazi's - good thing we have the same computers! I'm going to see if I can find a cheap one on e-Bay!