Update

Hello my friends. Thank you for the enquiries regarding my daughter. We hit a bit of a low point over the past couple of months and it's been hard to put pen to paper...so to speak. But we are very hopeful that the recent procedure she had done will put paid to pesky abnormal cells and she'll be enjoying full health soon. Well, soonish.

The procedure she had done is called LEEP which can be googled if you want the gory details. The doctor told her after it was performed that it had a 90% success rate so that is where the hopefulness comes in. She still has a year of continuous pap tests to go through before she will be declared free and clear. Every 3 months she'll have a pap test until such time as she has 4 clear tests in a row. Then she'll go to once a year.

Kazi is also doing battle with anxiety and depression resulting in going on short term disability. This has been a difficult struggle as resources around here, such as seeing qualified psychologists and therapists, are in such high demand these days as a whole generation of millennials try to get by on low-paying multiple jobs, many part-time and without benefits and without a hope in hell of ever owning a home or building up savings.

In other, happier news.... SPRING is on its way and we are enjoying a few warm and sunny days with lots of rain and a few snowflakes mixed in. I am doing a minimum of 20 minutes daily in nature to keep my own mood positive. This is my favourite time of year with the ospreys and other birds returning to my favourite spot, Kilally Meadows, along with many wildflowers and flowering trees. Just to keep my feet firmly planted I've started spring cleaning :) just for fun! I started with my dining room as it's an easy room to clean and hopefully by next spring I will have made it through the whole house!

I hope you are all doing well! My plan is to return soon to more frequent posting. Volleyball ends April 26 and I am looking forward to having more time on my hands for writing, genealogy and of course CYCLING!

Thanks for always being there, I appreciate it so much.

Not the Best News...

Since it has been 3 weeks since Kazi had the colposcopy treatment and we'd heard nothing back we felt that she was in the clear. However, she had a call from the hospital on Friday telling her she'd have to have another procedure on April 1st. More waiting...

As if that wasn't enough Kazi has also been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks for the past 3 weeks and is on short-term disability. Well, she's applied for short-term disability - we're waiting for the results of that application too. The saying "hurry up and wait" comes to mind.

So I haven't felt much like writing recently but thought I'd at least tell you why. My motivation for things that require "thinking" has evaporated for now. I think some good news would help me get my mojo back. Fingers crossed...

Big Decision Made

I've been wavering back and forth and forth and back on the number of trips to take this year. It's a tough decision considering all of the places I'd like to revisit or visit anew. It's not that I can't afford to travel - it's just that I feel most comfortable having a certain amount of a savings "cushion". Last September when I bought the Honda Civic I paid cash out of my savings accounts - mostly my TFSA. That was on top of the expenses to travel to British Columbia, Bracebridge and Scotland.  So while I am still above my cushion amount now I might not be if I took two major trips this year plus I am looking forward to going to PEI this year as well as Bracebridge once again. My daughter would like to see both of her aunts again this year.

Hiking to China Beach

Mystic Beach

Sun setting on Vancouver Island

Hiking along Loch Lomond

Ferry - Loch Lomond

Family time in Bracebridge

Therefore - I am putting off B.C. this year and going to Scotland for 3 weeks sharing expenses with my brother, plus making visits in Canada sharing costs with Kazi. That will allow me to reimburse my savings account by $1200 per month. By this time next year I'll be able to plan several trips without the anxiety associated with using up too much of my savings.

I think everyone has that magic number that makes them feel comfortable. I didn't really have one when I was teaching but now that my ability to save is a lot lower than when I was working it takes a while longer to build up or rebuild a nest egg. And living on one income is a factor also.

On the bright side I will have the time to ride my bike to Kilally Meadows every day and document the spring wild flowers and birds. I'll need to be in really good shape to keep up with my brother in the Scottish Highlands! He's a lot taller and has a much longer stride than I do.  I estimate my costs for the 3 week trip to Scotland to be around $4,700-$5,000 though I have given myself a large misc fund to cover emergencies, as well as spending money, food, accommodations, rental car, gas, tour fees, ferries and so on. I hope to come in way under budget....she says optimistically!

Do you have travel plans for 2018??

Life is Messy and That's OK

Our newspaper advice columnist recently entitled a post "Life is Messy and That's OK!" I thought that was a great concept and decided to steal it for my own purposes. My interpretation is that Shit Happens and that's OK. We fail and that's ok. We lose stuff, we get angry, we go to open the tub of sour cream and find it's full of mould, and that's ok.

Blechhhh!

Expecting that everything is always going to go smoothly is an anxiety-inducing philosophy which ends up making us feel like losers. Let it go...have a laugh at your own expense. It's OKAY!!

I know those anxious feelings intimately. As a Special Education teacher who would often take her students out and about in the school and the surrounding neighbourhood. I drove myself absolutely crazy trying to prepare in advance for every possible contingency. What if Johnny has a tantrum? What if someone gets hit in the head by the baseball? What if they laugh at the wrong moment while attending the school play? What about the allergies, the inappropriate language, the cajillion million questions they ask staff at the grocery store. I could write a list longer than both my arms and legs and still wouldn't be able to prevent every little (or large) mishap!! No wonder I took medication for anxiety!!

Well...repeat after me:    LIFE IS MESSY AND THAT'S OK!

Sometimes family members don't get along and there's nothing you can do about it; sometimes you have a fender bender and then a month later you have another one! Sometimes the electricity goes out and you lose a bunch of food. Sometimes you eat your face off and gain 10 lbs. Oh, I could go on and on but you get the point.

Self care is the resolution of a lot of people here in the blog world. I think it should be #1 on everyone's list. Yeah, we do stupid stuff, sometimes we could make better choices. But we aren't perfect and we're actually really nice, intelligent people! I didn't make any resolutions but my WORD(s) for 2018 is going to be this phrase. When I'm feeling anxious, if things don't work out the way I planned, as they are wont to do, if I do my best and it isn't enough I will tell myself "life is messy and that's ok." 

(Then I'll have a drink or two :)...or a bubble bath, a walk in the woods,  do some yoga, pick up a Starbucks special drink, I'll hug somebody (preferably someone I know), play with my cats, order a pizza, meditate, exercise, or write a list of all of my great qualities! Be nice to me! I'm OKAY! Lighten up, watch something funny on Netflix, reach out to someone else, relax and read a book!

I got this mess covered!

2017 - Boom or Bust?

I keep a mental list in my head of posts I want to write. Today I am setting those aside as well as deleting one that was a bit of a rant. I can't even remember why I needed to rant! Or felt I needed to rant. Everything is relative isn't it?

Kilally Meadows

My house is small compared to others. But it's warm and cozy and protects me from the elements. Isn't that what it's for?  Millions of people don't have a roof over their heads.

I thought I needed new living room furniture (remember that post?) but when my daughter expressed her sentimental love for the furniture we have I cancelled the pickup. The couches may be a little outdated but they are in good shape, firm and comfortable. I often fall asleep on them. Isn't that what they're for? Refugees have no furniture.

My truck is old and rusty - but it always starts, is in good working order and has never failed to get me from Point A to Point B. Isn't that what it's for? The poor in London are hoping to get a discounted bus pass.

I have read many blog posts over the past week that relay feelings of sadness, depression, illness and injury, lost hope and feeling "stuck". It seems that 2016 was not a great year for a lot of people and 2017 is looking pretty scary, especially if you're a liberal. (That's a joke!)

What do we want for ourselves in 2017? It's pretty much a given that we want to be happy, yet our present circumstances makes that hard at times, if not all of the time. Curiously, a couple of months ago I purchased a journal for 2017 called "Create Your Own Happiness". I think I'm going to need it - I have my own issues with depression/anxiety and motivation and I worry about climate change among other things. From what I've written above I think it's clear that I don't derive happiness from things. I'm grateful I own my home, own Dougie the Dodge and own old furniture. (If I keep things long enough they become valuable antiques don't they?) And I have no debt.

What leapt out at me while reading blog posts today were all of the positive and helpful, supportive comments. We have such a good network here, I know, because I've been on the receiving end of your support during some of the worst moments of my life.

So...what's my point? Do I even have a point? Well, yes I do...we really do make our own happiness. What helps us feel happy? - each of us will have a different list and I encourage you to make one. Some of you already have.
Here's mine: ( in no particular order )

• walking in the forest
• witnessing the return of birds in the spring and watching the plants and wildflowers come back to life
• photography
• trail running, volleyball, hiking, cycling
• yoga, meditation
• travelling to new places and exploring them through long distance walking
• the beach/sunshine
• books
• music/listening and playing the piano
• creating: writing, carving, painting, sewing, journalling, crocheting
• standing up for social wrongs
• donating to worthy causes
• cooking 
• Luna and Lily
• Kazi
• Hannah
• brothers and sisters
• Julie and Troy and Lynnie
• my cyber friends, especially those I have met: Annie, Michelle in NB, Kim and Marguerite in PEI, Johanna (many more I want to meet!)
• my high school graduating class - we still meet up every year
• cousins and niece and nephews
• genealogy research
• good movies
• the poet Rumi
• laughing/singing/dancing
• road trips

Nothing like the antics of an alien-looking wild turkey to make you smile.

Evidence that the deer are nearby even though all I saw were their hoof prints.

I hope you'll make a happiness list and I hope that at least once a day you'll do something from your list to increase your joy. There's a lot of shit going on in the world that we can do nothing about - and that can make us feel helpless. But you can do something about what's going on in your own back yard even if it's just making a cup of tea and reading a chapter in whatever book/genre that interests you.

Today I: walked in the forest, listened to the geese flying overhead, took photos, read the newspaper, had a coffee and Bailey's ;) , cuddled with Lily, spent time with Kazi, texted a friend, stared at the watery version of the sun that was available today, texted a friend, wrote a post.  

Plan to - have a bath with my new Lush bath bomb, watch a movie, read a book, have a shot of Jameson's, and fall asleep probably before midnight!   

I'm so happy I've been able to keep this orchid plant alive and blooming!

More belly rubs coming right up Lily!

Wishing you all a very HAPPY New Year! Let's work on it together and provide support to those who need it, no judgement, no put downs. As if!

Monday Monday

Funny that I still wakeup with a bit of Monday Monday anxiety after 2 years of retirement but on the bright side it only lasts as long as it takes me to remember I can roll over and go back to sleep if I want to. Not that I can sleep after an anxiety jolt runs through my veins but theoretically it's true.

These days Monday is about balancing the budget, making a grocery list, perhaps cleaning up a particularly messy spot in the house, walking to do my errands, going out for breakfast or lunch with a friend, reading and so on. Aren't I a lucky little old lady?

Today I closed out October's budget. I am a serious zero budgeter and I ended up the month with a surplus of $1.79! I think I've got the hang of this thing. There are a variety of budget lines that fluctuate from month to month (food, gas, misc, natural gas and electricity). Everything else usually stays exactly the same with my cell phone occasionally a bit extra due to using a bit more data. That happened last month when I had to pay an extra $8 on my cell phone bill. My electricity bill came in $11 over budget as we still needed to put the central air on a few times. That being said the natural gas bill was under budget by $6 and I only spent $62 on gas for my truck as I walked to do most errands. The surplus gas $ went to my food budget as I did a massive shop at the Bulk Barn to buy a ton of nuts and seeds, dried fruit, oatmeal, quinoa, rice and other dried goods for the winter pantry. I won't need to do that again for several months.

Misc purchases included new running shoes for volleyball. I googled "best shoes for runner's knee" and the best brand was Asics which just happened to be on sale at Sport Chek. I've been using them all month and I do believe they have helped. We have celebrated Thanksgiving so I've already shelled out for turkey and wine...and more wine :) I've been to the movies, out to lunch and breakfast, bought a book on Amazon, bought some new-to-me sports wear for volleyball at my neighbourhood thrift store, new socks, and so on. I bought a Christmas gift for my brother but have forgotten about my charitable donations. Need to get back on track. But overall a good money month.

I've been fighting a virus for almost 2 weeks so have had a few No Spend days this month - that has helped to keep costs down though not in a good way :(   I really like my nursemaid though!!

Happily I am on a ten month property tax schedule so I don't pay in November and December. I also have a GIC interest injection at the end of Nov. which just gets rolled over to increase my savings for the year. I can withdraw if I need more $$ for Christmas but don't think I'll need to.

Misc spending for November looks like this: new runners for hallways on main floor and basement, furnace filters, prescription and a doorbell. The old one only rings occasionally - and I thought nobody liked me! And I'll try to finish off Christmas shopping and update my charitable givings.

Kazi's sister came for a sleepover on Friday. Hannah is a very sweet, mature and well-behaved 12 year old considering what she's been through. Kazi bought snacks/drinks and we watched a funny movie together. Saturday morning we had breakfast together and then she and Kazi made S'mores cupcakes. I could hear them laughing and carrying on.

Hannah gave me a nice big hug when she arrived and when she left. She asked why her dad and I broke up and not knowing how much she knew I told her she should probably talk to her dad about that. Kazi showed her some pictures of their dad when he was a kid and then as a young man. She said she had no photos as her mom had thrown them all away so I gave her one of her dad, me and Kazi in a Christmas photo. I think I'll scan the others I have of her dad and grandparents and get them printed for her. Apparently her mom tosses out lots of things.

Kazi asked her what her favourite movie was and Hannah couldn't state a preference. Kazi says she can never say what her favourite "anything" is, not even a favourite colour. That got me wondering if she has learned not to have preferences so as not to be disappointed. I did find out that when she was 7 or 8 her mom was supposed to pick her up after a visit with her dad and she just disappeared for several months. That was when custody got changed in favour of her dad.

Anyhoo she is absolutely lovely and I hope we see lots of her.

That's my Monday, how is yours going?

Adult Children re Sluggy's Post

Here, read Sluggy's post first before you read mine (if you haven't already). 

No I'm not going to lecture Sluggy on what she and her husband should or shouldn't do with regard to their adult children. I'm just going to add to her story some stories of my own family members.

PROS of having your adult child move back in with you:

• this happened to my oldest brother once. His son and new wife moved in for 6 months with the understanding that they would contribute to utilities and food and save the rest of their income for a down payment on a house. Fortunately they had a firm plan with a set time limit and at the end of the 6 months they did indeed buy a home with a solid down payment.
• they can help look after a parent or grandparent with health issues. My other brother did this with great sacrifice in his own life/career). My father, at this point in his illness (cancer plus psychological problems - depression and anxiety), was very difficult to live with - I don't know if I could have done it.

CONS of having your adult child move back in with you:

• it can really put the parent's relationship on shaky ground if they don't agree absolutely to a set of rules. And if the adult child is disrespectful, has financial problems and not a great attitude it can turn out horribly!! Saw this in my family too.
• the front door (or back!) becomes a revolving door - child comes home, leaves, comes home again and on it goes totally disrupting the parent's lives. They leave their junk behind but do not dare to throw anything out! Food that is needed gets eaten up, utility bills increase, they borrow money that they never pay back. They don't do the things they said they would do in order to get back on their feet. Ka-ching!

Sunday's lunch in the forest

 My situation is different (but quite common these days) in that my 25 year old daughter has never left home in the first place! She is trying to pay off her student loans and pays all of her other bills like cell phone and contributes by buying her own food and wine etc. She has never asked me for money. More and more young adults these days are staying at home. In my day we were out the door as soon as possible while our parents called out "don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

But Kazi is struggling. She just lost the job she had for 7 months in the medical office. The doctor decided he wasn't busy enough to warrant having a 2nd person at the desk. She is down to one job currently which is a part-time bar tending gig. One thing I can say in her favour is that she is never without a job for long - she has had one interview already and another this Friday.

However, it is this instability that makes her afraid of moving out. She's saving as much as she can in case she needs some retraining. Yes, she has a degree in french but she graduated almost 4 years ago so she would have to brush up on her skills in a big way.

The view behind me.

I am finding it very hard. I watch as her self confidence erodes a bit more with each job loss. I bite my tongue and don't offer advice because I know she doesn't want to hear it. I try to stay upbeat as I know she is taking anti-anxiety medication and I don't want to increase her anxiety. It's a really sucky situation as I know she's not happy living with her mother.

The view in front of me.

Financially it's not a problem for me as, like I said before, she has never asked for a loan. I did have a repair done on her car but she paid me  back in full. I live frugally, probably too frugal for her liking but tough luck! It was by living frugally that I now enjoy a comfortable retirement. I'm trying to continue with my retirement plans though I do feel some guilt for jetting off to Ireland for 3 weeks. Though I shouldn't.

Right now she has a free roof over her head, free wifi, an excellent cat sitter :) electricity, laundry (she does her own) and some heat (she thinks I keep the thermostat set too low), again I say "tough luck". (In my own head...not out loud lol!) Well sometimes out loud - when my brother  was staying with us after his eye operation she complained to him it was always cold in here so I said "she who pays the bill gets to set the thermometer!" I try to use a little humour now and then but she is so sensitive that I usually end up hurting her feelings.

That is the hardest part for me. The number of topics which can hurt her feelings is seemingly endless and I don't really know what to do other than to not speak. I don't think I'm that hard to get along with as so far she is the only one to complain.

Case in point (today):
Me: so I guess your team didn't make it through to the next round? (she was rooting for the Chicago Black Hawks NHL team)
Her: why did you have to bring that up? (Meaning I'm only allowed to say HAPPY things)

It has come to the point where I don't want to speak for fear of hurting her feelings.

My lunch spot - thank you to whoever who provided this chair!

She just needs to get away from me and live her own life. Living with her mother at almost 26 years of age is tough for her as well as me. I try to joke around but it usually falls flat. (I'm a glass half full type of person whereas she is a glass half empty).

ADVICE? or just plain commiseration welcomed. Is it any wonder why I spend so much time in the woods? The forest is great for stress. It's called forest bathing and you can read all about it here...."forest bathing"! 

Blue Rodeo and The Wine Bar

Yesterday I was too tired to blog. I take about one nap per year and yesterday was my nap for 2016. Sunday night was such a great night out - prior to going to the "Blue Rodeo" concert I treated myself to a $15 glass of wine at The Wine Bar, a funky, comfortable space where I received excellent service in addition to cozy ambiance.

I sat on a lovely leather couch with a fireplace to my right filled with candles. The wine was called Butterfield Station - an excellent CabSav 2014 blend. Smoooooooth!!

This was the first time that I attended a concert by myself. 
It was a bit of an experiment for me to see if I could have a great time on my own - a single, almost sixty-year old woman. Would I encounter any discrimination? Would I feel invisible? Would I feel comfortable? I'm of the mind that I should be able to go anywhere and feel comfortable, but in reality that doesn't always happen. You wouldn't believe  (or maybe you would) the number of women who say to me "oh, I could never do that, not by myself!"
I have experienced ageism and gender discrimination over the past couple of years. It's enough to make a person just stay home! However, that is not satisfactory to me so I've decided to push the boundaries somewhat.

The young female bartender was very welcoming I am happy to report. She came over and lit all the candles, was super-friendly and I really enjoyed the lounge-y feel of the small seating area with leather sofa and coffee table. I took out my iPad and made some detailed notes of the positive experience.

So here's the gist of my quest - there are a lot of social expectations in existence, rightly or wrongly. I want to challenge those expectations in my own little way. Why can't an (almost senior) single woman go out and have a great time on her own without thinking that a) people feel sorry for her; b) she's weird; c) she's a loser and d) she has no friends.

Here's how I feel about that:
a) Don't feel sorry for me or any other 60 year old woman going to events on her own. I sure don't feel sorry for myself. I had great anticipation for the concert and went an hour early so I could enjoy a really good glass of wine first. HOWEVER, I did think about what I would say if anyone (friend or family member) asked me who did I go with? Would I tell the truth (me, myself and I) or would I make up a mystery friend? I plan to tell the truth!! Because I happen to think it's just fine to go places on my own. (And I have experienced those pity-filled looks from people when I say I went somewhere alone because that's just NOT how things are done!!)
b) What's wrong with weird? But truly, I don't think it's weird to attend an event alone if I want to. I had been out with people 6 nights in a row previously to the concert and was more than ready to do something on my own.
c) Am I a loser? I know that over the last couple of years I've felt like one after losing my relationship, my home in PEI and having to recreate/remodel my "future" after retiring. I went through a depression and experienced a lot of anxiety but I'M BACK BABY, I'M BACK, better than ever. Every day my enjoyment of my life increases. In the last few months I've joined an activist group, a book club and a volleyball club. I walk/hike, go to yoga and group meditation. I've gone to all but 1 of the oscar-nominated movies, had dinner and too much wine with friends on several occasions, been out for breakfasts and lunches, renewed two friendships, spent time with family, been out for coffee(s), been to workshops and sit-ins, donated to charities and have purchased gifts for Christmas 2016, learned how to crochet, completed several carvings AND I'm going to Ireland!!

So, I feel less like a loser every day. I should have never felt like a loser in the first place but society has certain unwritten rules: you must be married or in a committed relationship in order to be happy, you must be outgoing and busy every minute of every day, you must accomplish things, women must be super-moms and employees, we must spend beyond our means so as not to look (or feel) deprived. I could go on and on.
d) Have I NO friends? I do have friends, sometimes it feels like I have too many friends after I've been out 7 days straight and I need time to unwind and recharge.

I have a plan to return to this topic frequently over the next year or so. I'm going to rate my various solo experiences that are outside of my comfort zone and that challenge society's mores. Sunday's experiences were wonderful! I'm off to a great start!

Greg Keelor

Jim Cuddy

I want this guy's job!

Jim - still yummy after all these years!

Mike Boguski - so immensely talented!

One bonus of going alone - I had an empty chair on my left and right - lots of room for dancing!!

Retirement Update

I noticed a blog post the other day (http://ndchicscents.blogspot.ca/) entitled "Retirement Update" which motivated me to provide one too.

Yup, still retired!!

When I was approaching retirement I thought I would give myself a year to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. It turns out a year wasn't long enough.  Bear in mind that a lot of life-changing events occurred over the past year and a half in addition to retirement: relationship ending, loss of future plans, 20 year old pet passed away, had to sell house in PEI, living on half the income I was used to, and a back injury.... which all contributed to low level depression and anxiety. Adjusting to retirement isn't as easy as it would seem!

So...where do things stand now?

• health: medication is helping both with both back pain and mood enabling me to get physical once again; riding my back  bike (thanks for catching that typo sis!) and going to yoga and meditation has also helped me both physically and mentally. I still see a counsellor and am on a wait list for "group therapy"
• social contact: staying in touch with people is so important but not easy for me being the introvert than I am: every day I try to connect with a few people through texting, emailing, Facebook, blog, phone calls, going to social events, getting together with family, becoming more of an activist and so on. I still have days when I'd rather not see anyone 
• reviving old hobbies: my brother said to think back to childhood when we naturally gravitated to the hobbies and activities that we loved: for me that included biking, sewing and reading as well as sports, board games and playing cards. I also loved to draw, play piano and be creative. So far I have done one sewing project with another in the works, I have purchased a book about drawing as well as an "adult colouring book". I am working (slowly) on carving a piece of soapstone and indulge my love of reading every day. As a child one of my favourite things to do was to put a book and a bagged lunch in my bike's basket and ride out into the countryside, then climbed a tree to read and eat my lunch :) These days I try to get out on my bike every day but so far haven't gone out into the countryside with a book and a lunch. I'll add that to my to do list! I go to a "sports night" once a month in addition to a monthly "games night" and last week I started going to a weekly "euchre night" which has been fun. Usually I get out to see one movie a week with a friend
• new hobbies/activities: what would I like to do that I haven't tried yet? Painting, particularly water colours, learn a new instrument or purchase a keyboard, go back to school (tuition at my alma mater is free at age 60) so I'm considering attending part-time next year - perhaps a degree in film or getting back into the visual arts
• volunteering: haven't made my mind up about that one yet - I want to volunteer but not sure about where or how often. I sort of dread being on a schedule
• part-time work: at this point in time I don't feel inclined to get a part-time job
• travel: planning a trip or two each year is fun and exciting yet expensive. Once my Canada Pension Plan kicks in next May I'll be able to travel more frequently.
• redecorating: still working away at this though things have slowed down now as the weather is too nice to be inside as much. Hopefully I'll feel more motivated in the fall...

So things are moving along. I would say the biggest barrier is lack of "motivation".  I get things done but at a much slower pace than in the past and have to push myself to move some days. I feel that I'm on the right path and need to be more patient with myself. It's been a HUGE adjustment and it's not over yet. 

I'll be OK.

Easy Come Easy Go

I used to talk/post about money quite a bit but since I've retired and living on a set amount each month there's not as much to talk about. I have a monthly budget and usually I can stick to it. I've made adjustments from time to time when utilities decrease (summer months) or the price of gas goes up etc.

But I caused myself great anxiety back in March when I purchased a trailer. Even as I completed the transaction my inner voice was telling me it wasn't the right time. I should have listened to that little voice. I started losing sleep worrying about looking after two places - the trailer and my condo - afraid of large repair bills and finding out there were more expenses related to the trailer than I had realized. Things have changed a bit since I last owned a trailer.  For example I had to fork out a large amount of money in sales tax which I didn't have to do with my first trailer. The lot fees were HUGE compared to my previous location.

So I put up with the anxiety for awhile but then woke up one morning KNOWING I needed to sell it. Just making that decision helped to put my mind at rest. Within a few weeks of listing it the trailer IS SOLD  to a very nice family who were very grateful of the clean up job I had done and of the improvements I had made. Even though it was my loss I was happy that they were happy.

I knew I would have two lean years of retirement before I start receiving my Canada Pension Plan at age 60 (next May) and I should have waited - the costs involved just felt too onerous at this point in time. Especially with taking a trip abroad last year and this. I think I'd rather use the money saved from selling the trailer towards travel rather than sitting in one place. Perhaps I will change my mind sometime in the future but for now I am no longer TRAILER TRASH!!

When the health care system works...

...it works really well.

I just read in the paper today about cuts to RNs (registered nurses) BUT I do have some good news about our health care system as well.

It helps to live in a city (London, ON) where several top-notch hospitals with world-wide reputations are located but I digress.

My doctor told me I'd be lucky to get an MRI done before my trip in September. But earlier this week (Tuesday) I received a call about a cancellation the next day - did I want it? Of course!

The MRI itself was quite an experience - I wondered if I would be able to go in feet first instead of head first and was elated to discover that yes I could. The technician was wonderful and very reassuring. She gave me a squeeze ball that sounds an alarm when squeezed so if I was feeling claustrophobic I could be let out of there PDQ!  She also place a cloth over my eyes which was very calming and ear plugs for the noise.

Holding still for 20 minutes seemed like a very long time but I just focussed on my breathing. Whenever I felt like twitching or I would get a "bad thought" like - "what if everyone goes home and forgets I'm in here??" I would concentrate on breathing slowly and deeply. (The technician said afterwards that they almost never forget that someone's in the machine!!) What a card!!

She said it would take 4-5 days for the results to reach my doctor but lo and behold I had a call not 24 hours later from my doctor's office that they had the results and could I come in the next day (today) to go over the results! So I've been and come home again.

There's a lot going on with my spine and lumbar region. I have mild to moderate disc compression, disc bulging and disc uncovering (?) and mild stenosis (abnormal narrowing) in the lumbar region and lower spine.

At today's appointment I was told that I can request a referral to a spine doctor to confer about surgery and it's a one year wait! Because the problems I have are relatively minor in the grand scheme of things (for a 59 year old woman with a previous history of back pain since I fell off a trampoline when I was 14) a spine surgeon wouldn't likely operate and having my back operated on really doesn't appeal to me right now.  The other option is to continue what I'm doing - meds and lots of exercise.

The meds are helping with the pain as well as anxiety/depression and I'm becoming more active again - 90 minutes of yoga last night, riding my bike again, hiking and walking again so I feel pretty darn grateful for the relief I am getting.  And grateful for our health care system that doesn't charge me for the MRI and got it done in record time.

There are two sides to every coin.

MRI

Great news! Someone cancelled their MRI appointment so I guess I was next on the list - I go today at 5:15pm.

The bad news is that sparkly nail polish I used yesterday on my toes? It's gotta go.

In other news.....when Kazi was at a music festival in Michigan 2 weeks ago "she met a boy". He's from New Jersey and just happens to be visiting in London and Toronto starting tomorrow. So of course they've made plans to spend time together.

The timing isn't the best as my 40th, yes you read that right, 40th high school class reunion is this weekend, of which I'm the hostess! That involved making restaurant reservations for Friday, Saturday and Sunday and organizing the event around a popular festival - SUN FEST - which is taking place in London this weekend.  So I won't see much of THE BOY as they are heading to Toronto on Friday, which is sort of a relief as my time will be mostly spent with my fellow 1975 grads.

So the next few days will be very busy and full of distractions, which is good and bad for the anxiety levels, but I'm feeling pretty positive about the whole thing.  The weather looks good and one of my fellow grads is my cousin (and his wife) who are coming up from North Carolina. Hotel rooms have been booked and the food will be divine though I'll likely put on 5lbs over the 3 days!

That's it for now - I've got to UNpolish my toes!

Beach Day Saturday

Due to our rather wet and cool weather there haven't been a lot of days that would qualify as a "beach day." But last Saturday (July 4th!) looked pretty good so I went to Port Bruce with 2 friends. Being near water and listening to the waves crash onto the shore (it was really windy) was very calming I found.  

The water was still pretty cold so I stayed in my beach chair and read a Sue Grafton detective novel in between eating BACON-flavoured chips and egg salad sandwiches! One of my friends NEVER goes to the beach without egg salad sandwiches - a practice developed during her childhood so we always eat well at the beach.

Both the sky and the lake were busy...

Well, not in this particular photo...

But here...

 And here...

etc

 etc

It was a hazy kind of day and the wind was cool but people were still getting sunburned so after enjoying the sun for a bit I sat under my umbrella. I'm no longer interested in roasting my skin. WHITE is in! Well, not really, but it is for me:) Actually I have bicycle tan hands - tanned down to the first knuckle then ghostly white fingers!

Health update: I think the medications that I'm back on are having a positive effect though it's still early days. The feelings of anxiety are gradually lessening and for that I am very thankful. The back pain has also decreased so I am back riding my hike and I hiked twice last week. So overall things are looking up. When I finally write a sarcastic post you'll know I'm back to being myself!

Checking in...

Hello my dears...my lovelies as Lena used to say...(has anyone heard from Lena lately? I really miss her though I know she has her hands full right now...)

I write you from my position of laying on the floor. I've been having a lot of flareups over the past week and only get relief for my lower back if I lay on the floor with my legs on a chair....

So. Much. Fun.

One week from today I have another doctor's app't with the Big Cheese. So far I've only been seeing a resident and she doesn't seem to be listening to me the way I'd like her to so I'm going over her head. I'm going to ask once again for an MRI. The resident said I didn't have enough of the "red markers" that would indicate an MRI is needed and her advice to me wouldn't be any different no matter the outcome of the MRI. Hmmmm...so if I had a bulging disc or a compressed sciatic nerve she'd still send me to Hot Yoga? I just think I need a second opinion. And my counsellor, who works in the same clinic, is going to speak to the doctor the day before I see her to let her know how the pain is affecting my mood; ie depression and anxiety.

I apologize for not having something exciting to talk about - when you're in pain most of the time it sort of limits one's adventures. I've been sticking pretty close to home - going out for short walks, doing as much as I can around the house, doing errands and so on.

Oh I did go to an event last Saturday - "The Gathering on the Green" and rode my bike there and back which resulted in a major flareup on Sunday and which has yet to calm down. Grrrrrrr...

Here's a few pics from that event:

 My brother's booth - he makes and sells birdhouses. He's under the blue awning wearing a straw hat.

 There he is again...

Lots and lots of plants for sale...

 A dunk tank...

 Music...

Tai chi...

A free and guarded space for all of the bicycles that people rode to this eco-friendly event...

 Some members of London's Symphony Orchestra added music...

 and people sat and had a lovely tea party while listening to the orchestra...

 All around the green were booths filled with jewelry, crafts, homemade jams etc etc...

Oh to be young again...

My friend Julie participated by helping kids make beaded bracelets in the Museum London booth...

I participated by eating a hot dog!!  I don't usually eat processed meat but it smelled so good! One won't kill me :)

Kitty Cuteness: Kazi has become Luna's human and I have become Lily's.  Here's Lily hiding in the myrtle just waiting for the right moment to pounce on Luna.

This is Lily's favourite spot in the house - she can keep her eye on most goings on from this vantage point on the stairs. She'll also reach out with her paw and bop me on the head as I walk by.

Whatcha cooking Gramma?

Hey...is that a bug?

Finally, they both love my bedroom windows as they look out onto the crabapple tree where there is usually a squirrel, or in this case a robin, making a racket!