In Need of a Wife: Part One

Many times over the long years of single parenting I have often felt things would be a whole lot easier "if I only had a wife" (why do I suddenly feel like dancing down a yellow brick road?) However, as a woman of heterosexual persuasion I haven't yet figured out a way to make that work.


I suppose one answer would be to hire a cleaning service like Molly Maid, but really I don't feel my house is presentable enough to let someone come in and clean it! (if ya know what I mean and I know that you do!)


Do I really want a stranger shaking her head in disgust as she tries to scrub red wine drips out of my carpet? Again? Besides, if I had a wife she would do it for free. Right? And if I had a wife she would bring me my 3rd glass of red wine so I wouldn't have to stumble around with it myself thereby eliminating the need for rug scrubbing altogether.


And while I was sitting feet up in my Lazyboy recliner after a hard day of teaching, sipping my well-deserved wine and lingering over the daily newspaper, I could try to guess what succulent delights were on the supper menu based on the aromas of home cooking coming from the general direction of the kitchen, wherever that might be because I wouldn't have to know seeing as I had a wife. Beulah, peel me a grape! No, bring me the bottle!


Sigh....however, as no one has yet responded to my personal ads looking for a wife, I guess I'll have to survive on Costco's BBQ'd chicken wings and pick up a few more area rugs to cover the wine stains.